Twelve Things I Wouldn’t Do For All The Tea in China…

This is another blog that came from one of those “writing prompts.”  I thought it sounded kind of fun:
1. Spend more than 20 minutes doing hair and makeup.  I’m what you call “low-maintenance” when it comes to that stuff.  Gone are the days when I used to bother using appliances like curling irons.  I shower, blow-dry, spray, put on a “basic” face, and go (I wonder about people who have time to use eyelash curlers!).  One thing I always have on is earrings – I feel naked without them!

This would be an instrument of torture if someone forced me to use this!

2. Own a Hummer.  Seriously, who needs one of these to go to the grocery store?  My order for seven people fits just fine into our Dodge Caravan (and my family eats a lot!).  I might change my mind if I’m ever travelling across the desert in a war zone (which is another thing I wouldn’t do for all the tea in China).

She probably needs a Hummer to carry all her makeup...

3. Skydive (ditto on bungee-jumping).  I’m not afraid of dying…I’m afraid of not dying if something goes wrong!  A friend of mine was injured in a bad military parachuting accident – it wrecked his back, hips, and both his legs – immediate medical discharge (and several years later, a hip replacement!).  Bungee-jumping?  Please – I get dizzy on the third step of a ladder!

This is a view I want to see from safely inside the plane!

4. Drink more than two glasses of wine in one sitting.  I dislike being (or feeling) out of control, so I never get drunk – have only been drunk once in my life, and have never done it again because I didn’t like it.  I also dislike vomiting!

Two is my limit...

5. Treat pets like people.  Don’t get me wrong…I love my dog.  But he will never have his own room or his own furniture, and I will never feed him anything but dog food, Snausages, and the occasional bone.  I also refuse to talk to him in anything but a normal tone of voice (no baby talk).

I would recommend therapy for whoever owns these two canine cowboys...

6. Stay up past midnight (ditto on sleeping until noon).  I have stayed up late a few times, but have always spent most of the following day stifling yawns and trying to keep from nodding off at my desk.  I generally like to be in bed sometime between 10 and 11 (which makes sense when one gets up at 5:30 a.m.).  As far as sleeping in, nine is late for me…

Just call me "Sleepy"...

7. Clean fish or game.  I love fresh fish, but if I’m going to cook it, I definitely don’t want something that’s looking back at me.  The head and the guts have to be gone!  I really like moose meat, but bring it to me once the butcher’s done with it!

I'm not touching these until they're filleted...

8. Take a job as a day care worker.  Again, I like kids (I have them), but if I had to look after someone else’s all day long, there would be issues (likely mental ones for me)!  That job is best left up to the professionals!

This is a terrifying sight for me...

9. Brag about my latest purchase at the mall.  Given that I usually have to be coerced to go there because I hate the mall, and that the only stuff I buy there are generally things one of my children absolutely “had to” have, I don’t have anything to brag about.  I’m more likely to tell you about the apple peeler I scooped up at a yard sale for $3!

Apple Peeler...

10. Dye my hair purple (ditto on body piercings and tattoos).  I’m not a confident enough person to want everybody staring at me (I worry about having broccoli stuck in my teeth).  My hair is coloured regularly by my amazing hairdresser, Heather, who covers up the ever-increasing grey, and uses “wild” colours like blonde, caramel, and cinnamon with foils to jazz up my natural light brown locks.  I waited until I was 22 to get my ears pierced, and will never put any more holes in my body (not on purpose anyway).  My oldest daughter has a tattoo in memory of my mom, which the tattoo artist messed up, and Kaylee is not happy about.  Anna wants a tattoo for her birthday…her design features the breast cancer ribbon (a cause close to all our family’s hearts).  I’m still not crazy about her putting something permanent on her body though.

This wouldn't be a good look for me...

11. Be a politician.  I would never make it.  I hate “kissing ass” and I often speak without thinking first.  I hate long meetings, and listening to people who love the sound of their own voices. I am also incapable of lying, which seems to be a job requirement for most politicians these days (no offense to my friends who are politicians – you wouldn’t be my friends if you were liars!).

Start of a political career...

12. Wear fur (ditto on leather pants).  I personally find the idea of killing an animal just for its fur disgusting (not a problem if the whole animal is used, as it is in the North) - it also messes with the food chain.  Fur is way out of my limited budget.  I’ll never wear leather pants because I would look stupid in them, not to mention being extremely uncomfortable!

This fox fur stole is especially hideous...

What wouldn’t you do for all the tea in China?

15 Comments

Filed under rants, self-discovery

15 responses to “Twelve Things I Wouldn’t Do For All The Tea in China…

  1. planejaner

    is this a plinky prompt? fun post…you got my head to spinning…
    jane

  2. Pingback: 12 Things I Wouldn’t Do…For all the Coffee in Seattle « PlaneJaner's Journey

  3. Once again, I’m impressed. What a clever post with such fun pictures. I do work with kids, middle school age, and believe me it’s rough! I often feel like I’m a day care worker. Big bodies but immature behavior.

    • Thanks, JoDee!
      I used to volunteer in my oldest daughter’s kindergarten (25 five-year-olds) for an hour every Friday afternoon…I came home from that hour absolutely drained!

  4. All 12 of these things sound like absolute nightmares to me… Except the “more than two glasses of wine” part. And the being up late; because clearly I am an insomniac. So glad I stumbled across your post– good for a few laughs :)

    • Thanks for stopping by, wisdom…my friends, Jane (PlaneJaner’s Journey) and Nancy (Embracing Myself) did their own takes on my post (see links at right under “Blogroll”).

      Wendy

  5. Heather Keenan

    Thank you for the wonderful recognition in your “blog” You have been a wonderful and loyal client of mine for many years now and hopefully for many more years to come! Heather.

  6. How did I miss this post? Maybe because it was my daughter’s birthday.
    Too funny. I wouldn’t treat a pet as a person. As far as daycare…been there, done that and not going back. I love kids but I was nearly stir crazy after 3 years of in-home daycare.

    • That’s one of my early posts, Jeanne…it was probably before we knew each other! Glad you liked it! Your daughter must be a lovely girl…her birthday is the day before mine! Wendy

  7. I don’t get the Hummer thing, either. They’re just ugly.

    This has me thinking – and one thing I know for sure is I don’t think I could handle hauling garbage. Just the smell of our trash can is enough to make me queasy.

    Fun post; Cheers! MJ

  8. Steve

    I think you should try doing every one of them.

    It will be a great learning experience and you will probably learn many things about yourself.. :)

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