Facebook Ads That Made Me Go “Hmmm”…Spring Edition

Last fall, I wrote a post about the ads that show up in the sidebar on Facebook while I’m trying to concentrate on my extremely crucial games of Scrabble, Lexulous, Wordscraper, Bejewelled Blitz, Hexagonized, Jeopardy, and Bomboozle…the marketers are still after me!

For goodness sake...keep your voice down! Someone might hear you!

The ad said:  “1 Tip for Wrinkles

Dermatologists don’t want you knowing this $5 wrinkle secret.”

My response:

Dear Wrinkle Guy:

I already know how to get wrinkles!  I got mine the natural way: from my children (and there were those years of picking fruit and vegetables in full sun with no sunscreen).  I didn’t pay money for them (the wrinkles or my children!).  Maybe Oprah can afford $5 for her wrinkles, but I can’t!  Besides, she’s steered me wrong before…I bought Ursula Hegi’s Stones from the River because it was one of Oprah’s Book Club picks…it was so depressing, I was tempted to call Dr. Phil!  What were we talking about again?

That doll's creepy...let's just leave her hidden, shall we?

The ad said: “New Hidden Object Game

Play the new addicting hidden object game on Facebook!”

My response:

Dear Game Pimps:

I am already hopelessly addicted to seven of your games (see 1st paragraph of this post), which I play when I’m not reading/commenting on one of the more than 50 blogs that I follow, or writing my own blog.  I’m not quite sleeping at the keyboard yet, but that’s coming soon!  Besides, I spend a good deal of my real life looking for “hidden objects”: books that somebody’s ordered in our bookstore, Jim’s keys, teenagers’ homework, cellphones, iPod earbuds, the jeans with the diagonal pocket on the left hip, shoes, cheerleading Spankies, etc.  Thanks but no thanks!

She looks awfully happy about her profession...

The ad said: “$84/hr At Home Jobs

Can you type? Get paid $84/hr working from home.  Requirements: Computer”

My response:

Dear Mr. Scammer:

I can think of very few jobs where one can make $84 working at home…none of them require a computer or typing ability, and at least a couple of them are illegal.  I suspect that my body type would be unsuitable for the type of employment you have in mind…I also hate having my picture taken!  Find another sucker!

Kobo is for dodos...

The ad said: “Reading from your iPad?

Click here to get 20% off eBook Coupon!  Kobo has more than 2 millions of FREE eBooks and low-priced bestsellers.  get yours now!”

My response:

Dear Dodo Kobo:

I do not own an iPad, or a smart phone.  I do not Tweet, and I’m the world’s slowest texter.  When I read, I read books with paper pages…they are rarely bestsellers (unless they were bestsellers of the 1860s!).  If your last “sentence” is an example of the material available in your eBooks, I hereby offer my services as an editor.  I can help you reel in more live ones convince more people to buy your product!  I’ll use the money you pay me to buy real books!

Funcheez...really?

The ad said: “Try NEW Funcheez

Let your imagination go wild with NEW Black Diamond Funcheez Marbelicious Moons and Planets.”

My response:

Dear Black Diamond:

Even though I have a sentimental fondness for your brand of cheese since it’s made in Belleville, Ontario, where I went to high school, I feel compelled to comment on your latest marketing idea.  You’ve mispelled “cheese”, and “fun” and “cheese” should be two words.  Moons and planets?  I hope you didn’t make a “Pluto”!  When I grew up, the only cheese “shapes” we had were fresh curd purchased direct from the cheese factory on a Sunday drive…yummy!  The Black Diamond cheese I buy for my family comes in rectangles…I buy the 500-gram one (which used to be 700 grams but is getting smaller all the time!).  By the way, we’re running low…how about sending me some coupons?

Advertisers…you can’t fool this old fool!

  

About these ads

54 Comments

Filed under rants, satire

54 responses to “Facebook Ads That Made Me Go “Hmmm”…Spring Edition

  1. Thank you! This is just the lunch break laugh I needed today. Those advertisers have met their match!

    Amy

  2. What a hoot! thanks for the bright spot in the middle of the day!

  3. So funny. This is on my to do write list this week. When we meet on facebook in the morning-for a cuppa EL Morno I am usually left with sidebar envy–my friends get shoes, and gourmet coffee makers and I am left with pooper scoopers, milk bones and pathetic little puppy faces begging to be rescued. I am so desperate for a side bar remodel I just bought the gourmet chip sampler for $29.99. It arrived–it wasn’t any better than Lays.
    Your complaining about misspelled cheese–while I am looking at poop. Life is just not fair–I know. I know but it isn’t suppose to be but I am always optimistic. : /

    • Glad you enjoyed it, Katybeth! Really…”sidebar envy”? I’m not a consumer, so I’d just rather it was blank…

      I kind of wish they’d just give up on trying to sell me stuff!

      Hugs,
      Wendy

  4. Thanks for writing those letters to those ads that really need them. There are a few more I can forward to you for your responses. ;)

  5. Clever, Wendy! I remember your first Facebook Ad post from this fall. I love this as a recurring feature.

    We should have a text-off sometime. I guarantee you I’m slower.

    • Glad you enjoyed the post, Maura! I doubt if you’re slower…my phone doesn’t have an alpha-numeric keyboard, just the number pad. It drives me crazy that I don’t know how to do capital letters or punctuation! Hugs, Wendy

  6. I click on the X next to the ads and then choose ‘offensive’. I wonder if they will eventually quit posting ads on my page…

  7. Too funny! I’ve seen most of these (though mine’s usually a $5 ad for white teeth over wrinkles, lol). The crazy thing is that someone pays money to publicise these ads!

  8. This post is so funny. And I am so gratified that you didn’t like Stones From the River either. I tried so hard to read it. Each time I picked it up, I didn’t know which would hit me first, sleep or depression. My ads always say “Find Out How A Minnesota (or substitute any other state here) Housewife Learned the Secret of Getting a Flat Stomach (or substitute anything else anyone wants to know how to do here)

  9. I had a good giggle, Wendy. Thanks! $84 dollars an hour typing—hmmm. I can’t type worth crap. But maybe I could learn for that kind of money..lol

  10. But, it’s called Funcheez! What’s not to like about something called Funcheez? It’s like regular cheese, only fun! When someone dismisses a product called Funcheez, then the terrorists have already won. (Seriously, if you name a snack food Funcheez, you’re trying too hard. It’s like naming your daughter Princess. Just… don’t.)

  11. Wendy this is golden. I read much of your post aloud to my husband, who laughed right along with me. I’ll be seeing those FB ads soon, as my hiatus ends Sunday.

    Thank you for the laughs!
    Lenore

  12. Jess Witkins

    Huh, my ads weren’t funny like yours. Right now they’re all on protecting WI voters and local health plans. Guess I need to devote more facebook liking to leisure activities. Funcheez post, Wendy! I mean ‘fun’ ‘cheese’ post!

  13. thejaggedman

    The facebook ads crack me up. If anyone falls for them I worry but I have some advice for Facebookers : If it’s sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
    I saw one that had a bumper sticker that said “I Love My Wife” then next to it it said” Hit Like if blah blah blah.. I was thinking never put “Hit” in the same sentence as ” I Love My Wife”! Great post!

  14. There are several rules by which I’ve lived my life- most of which allow me to participate as a contributing member of society- Look both ways before crossing the street or one may get hit by a car, don’t talk with a mouth full of food- it’s impolite and leads to choking, never read Oprah’s book list as it leads to severe depression often followed by a catatonic state.

  15. I love letter posts. This was a nice laugh on a night I need it. I just checked my Facebook. The ads are for English teachers and chocolate. Yup, they have me nailed.

    Leanne

  16. I’m glad you’ve kept the Scammers at bay even if you have fallen prey to those insidious game pimps.

  17. I’m glad to hear everybody sees this ad. I thought they were just targeting me, and I always rushed to the mirror and examined my face, wondering how Facebook knew.

  18. I tried Stones from the River and couldn’t hack it either, so thank God I’m not the only one.

    At any rate, this post is an aboslute hoot–really great idea!

    Kathy

  19. jacquelincangro

    Too funny!
    I took out a FB ad for the creative writing classes I’m teaching. Now I’m worried… Next time I think I’ll run it by you for a stamp of approval. :)

  20. Fun post Wendy–
    I love all your letters to the employers…

    Especially the $84/hr working from home one.
    They made a movie out of that, right? “Pretty Woman”?
    blessings
    jane

  21. Come on, marbeliscious. How do you resist marbelicious?

  22. What a clever idea for a blog. I love it! I often get distracted by those ads which I find annoying. I never click on them for I fear they’ll give me a virus, or, at the very least, a head cold. Thanks for the laughs!

  23. Very cool and superbly written! Thanks for the visit to my little site.

  24. Hahaha- I can’t string much of a compliment together because it’s late and I’m half asleep so I’m just going with very very funny.

  25. Don’t believe the hype! I hate how Oprah and her guests are always talking about how after menopause they have the best sex in their life. Really?!
    Thanks for writing what we’ve all been thinking.

  26. And *this* is why I rarely go on Facebook anymore. However, now when I do I’ll be on the lookout for these ads, and have a laugh at their expense (thanks to you)!

  27. Awesome work – again!

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