September 4, 2010
I am writing to express my deep disappointment that you chose not to make an appearance today in Hammond River…That imposter you sent was hardly up to your standards! Do you call that rain? I can spit harder than that! And wind? It barely messed up my hair!
We worked really hard to get ready for your visit! I picked everything that was ready in the garden. The kids took down everything but the frame of the trampoline…
Jim used bungee cords to lash our lawn furniture to a tree…
Jim also brought all the bird feeders in the house, except one, which was buzzing…he decided to leave that one out on the porch.
I had the menu all planned: tuna sandwiches and cheese and crackers (because we assumed that your presence would not have a favourable affect on our electricity). Instead, we were forced to eat spaghetti sauce made from our garden tomatoes:
The kids watched a little TV (or a BIG TV, as it turns out), something else we didn’t think we’d be able to do (we had board games on standby). Deal or No Deal was on. The contestant was from Alaska. Hope asked Anna, “Does she live in a snow globe?” When Anna broke into hysterical fits of laughter, Hope corrected herself…”I meant an igloo!” she said. Anna assured her that the woman probably lived in a house or an apartment.
Once the rain stopped, Jake had fun with his little friend on the deck, who was helping himself to the formerly buzzing birdfeeder…
As you can see, we had a fine time without you. I think our friendship is over, and we never want to see you again.