Note: I am not now, nor have I ever been a fashion maven…this will probably be the only post on fashion that I ever write…
Being the mom/stepmom of teenagers, they often have me ordering their clothes online, for those inconvenient times when everything their little hearts desire isn’t at the mall…
Consequently, I’m on the e-mail list for every “cool” (which is code for “expensive”) teen’s store in the universe. What usually happens when I receive these messages is that I hit “delete” as soon as possible, so that if my little darlings happen to be peering over my shoulder while I check my e-mail, they don’t see that another ticket to bankruptcy promotional campaign has arrived in my inbox. Today, however, I decided to actually open one of these bombs messages to see if it would blow up in my face what was in it:
OMG (as my teenagers would say)…someone took the clothes I wore in the late 70’s and early 80’s, and is making huge amounts of money selling them to kids! Newsflash, children: I wasn’t cool when I wore these clothes…you’ll look like just as big a dork as I did in them!
Exhibit #1: The Ruffle Skirt. I wore one of these while playing in the high school band. We played a concert for a group of elementary school kids. Somewhere, there’s a picture of me sitting in the front row playing my flute with my legs wide open…I wasn’t used to wearing skirts! FAIL!
Exhibit #2: The Plaid Shirt. Everybody (boys and girls) wore these when I was in high school. We layered them with turtlenecks. I remember my younger brother insisting that his shirts could only have two pockets in the front (never one – I guess he didn’t want to be asymmetrical!).
Exhibit #3: The Dolman Sleeve Sweater. I admit it…I liked the dolman sleeve sweater. I used to have several that I wore to work at the camera store in the early 80’s. I had to stop wearing them when I got the job at the photo lab though…the sleeves looked funny under the lab coat…
Exhibit #4: The Open Chunky Knit Cardigan. These were in style in the late 70’s when I was in high school. Ours were a little longer, and sometimes had ties, which would get stuck in car doors occasionally, because we never tied them…they just hung there. These aren’t very warm, because they don’t have any buttons!
And now for the completely ridiculous things which I hope even my teenagers will never beg me to buy them:
Exhibit #5: Light Vintage Repair Skinny Jean (yes, this is a quote directly from the website). This is what my jeans look like when I throw them away after a nasty encounter with a mugger armed with a knife (although mine have twice as much fabric as this pair!). What are these kids thinking?
Exhibit #6: Patchwork PJ Pants. Okay…I’m sorry…these just look like a Home Ec. project that went horribly, horribly wrong! I wouldn’t wear these to bed (Jim would never want to sleep with me again!) or anywhere else!
So, kids…just say “NO” to the clothes your parents wore!
Now where did I put those clogs I had…maybe I can sell them on e-Bay?