Ready, Set, Go!

So, one of my favourite shows, The Amazing Race, started again last night.  Ever since I got hooked on it way back in Race #5, I’ve dreamed about being on the show…

Jim would be my team-mate.  We’d wear matching Canadian flag T-shirts (everybody loves Canadians!), relaxed fit jeans, and comfortable shoes.  The other teams would call us “that nice, boring couple”  and wonder why we never yell at each other!

"Wendy and Jim...Parents of Teenagers"

Of course, I’d probably have to make some changes to prepare for the competition:

1. Get in shape (other than round!)…I wonder if the show will still be on in 2015?  I might have to give up potato chips…

2. Conquer my fear of heights.  Standing on a stepladder makes me dizzy…I might have difficulty rappelling down a tall building…

3. Learn how to pack light.  I’ve seen those knapsacks the contestants carry…I’m guessing they don’t have blow dryers in there?

I might have trouble surviving without this...

4. Get over my squeamishness of snakes and other reptiles…I might have to get up close and personal with one of them…ewww!

5. Learn to swim with my head under the water (I taught myself, and I like to leave my contacts in so I don’t bump into things!).

6. Be more adventurous about foreign food.  Right now, I don’t try anything with the potential to cause gastric distress (and I’m lactose-intolerant, so that includes a lot of different foods!).  If I can’t identify it, it doesn’t go in my mouth (however, I do like lots of things that other people don’t: broccoli, Brussels sprouts, squash, and chicken hearts).

7. Learn to drive (again).  I had my temporary permit for a year when I was a teenager, but never took the test.  I have always driven an automatic…I’m a huge fail at stick shifts!

This scares me more than a snake would...

8. Brush up on my geography.  As a former stamp collector, I’m pretty familiar with North America, Europe and Asia, but my knowledge of the continents south of the equator is not very good (unlike one contestant last night, I do know that London is not a country!).

9. Pick up a second language (or two).  My Ontario secondary school French is rudimentary at best (laughable at worst – my French Immersion kids laugh at my pronunciation all the time!).  I can count to ten in German.  I can say “Hello,” “Goodbye,” and “Thank you,” in Spanish.  I can speak Teenager though: “OMG!  Did you see that dress she had on?  It was right weird!”

10.  Learn to love being grubby.  Those poor people on the Race have been subjected to all kinds of nastiness: mud, hay, dirty water, paint, pies, etc.  It must be all Phil can do to contain himself when some sweaty contestant pops up in front of him with muck running from every orifice…

11. Get over thinking that using my sexuality to get what I want is wrong.  I would have no problem flashing my bare ankle in Saudi Arabia if it got us what we needed!

12. Find somebody to look after our kids for all the weeks we’ll be gone…we do plan to come home with the million bucks after all!

Any takers?


Filed under dreams, family, satire, travel

17 responses to “Ready, Set, Go!

  1. planejaner

    The kids and I were so happy to sit down for the first episode last night.
    I will love knowing you also are watching.
    Any picks for the winners?
    I sure like the two doctors…those two tattooed folks sure give a bad name to tattooed folks!

    • Hi Jane:

      I like the doctors (especially watching them because Nat is Type 1 diabetic, like Jim) and the college boys. The “Home Shopping Girls” are awesome too…love the support when Claire had “the accident.”

      Hate Chad…have no doubt he will continue to be his jerky self, even though he claims to have been “humbled.”



  2. I’ve never watched the Amazing Race, but let me know if you and Jim do go on it, and I’ll sure watch then! Sounds like you’re in for an exciting season!
    Sunshine xx

  3. That show is addictive, but I don’t think I’d like to travel that way!

  4. Creative post, Wendy. I like that show. There are always some nice human interest stories that develop with the teams.

    I wonder if a former contestant has ever written a book about his/her experiences in The Race? That would be interesting. You could be the first!

    Great looking crew you have there. We’d be happy to have them if they don’t mind sharing the house with a pack of ankle-biters.

    Take care,


    • Thanks for the offer, Chase…packing the kids’ stuff as we speak! LOL.

      There have been a lot of interesting people on The Race…and a lot of folks who are just plain nasty! I don’t know of any books out there, but I’m likely to miss that stuff not being very aware of pop culture (I read People magazine when I go to the hairdresser every couple of months)…

      Looking forward to your next post…


      • My wife and I subscribe to Entertainment Weekly just to keep up with pop culture. It’s pretty bleak out there. You’re not missing anything.

      • I used to get that magazine back when it first came out, Todd…I liked it! Stopped getting it when my ex-husband and I split up…couldn’t write it off as a work expense any more (he was a radio DJ)…

        Now I pretty much get my entertainment news while waiting in line at the grocery store…


  5. (!!!) You and Jim and your children are absolutely adorable. I think you could win the race on that alone. Plus, I don’t think anyone could ever call you “the boring couple.” You’re way too funny for that.

    I’d totally watch your Amazing Race. And I’d totally cheer for you, too.

  6. Send the kids on down. We’ve got room now and you’ll be able to concentrate on the race.

    You don’t mind that they’ll talk a little funny when you get them back, do you?

    • Thanks, Oma…maybe you and Chase can alternate!

      The accent shouldn’t be a problem to lose (although my Ohio one comes back within a half hour of being with my relatives, even after 40 years!)…


  7. All of your hesitations are mine, too! I love the Amazing Race. My teenage daughter and I watch together and act as if we’re actually on the show – right down to deciding who will do each challenge.

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