From the Stupid Spam File…Installment #1

Update: This piece was Freshly Pressed on October 14th…thanks to the editors at WordPress.com, especially Joy!  I would encourage readers to check out some of my other posts while you’re here!

One of the cool things about having a blog on WordPress.com is that they have a pretty effective spam filter.  You get to see the spam before you send it spinning into the cyber trash barrel with all the other ads for male enhancement drugs, pleas from Nigerian royalty, and urgent requests to check your credit rating!  Occasionally, the spam filter catches material worth saving for later (aging spam vastly improves it!).  I have been archiving these magic bits in a Wordpad file called “stupidspam,” which I am opening today for your reading pleasure:

1. wats up man hows it going .  Fine, dumbass…you’re missing some important letters, as well as some basic punctuation there.

2. Wow! This really is 1 of the most beneficial blogs I’ve ever occur across on this subject. Merely Amazing  (this came from a Chinese furniture/decoration company in response to The Interview ).  Yes, the Internet is full of fictitious pieces about adopting obsolete words, some better than others!  I am astounded at your merely amazing grasp of English!

3. ok how is this supposedto mean?  I’m sorry you didn’t understand the tribute I wrote to my late mother…

4. Some subscribers just don’t get it, like my coworker who couldn’t realize the objective substance of this line on your article “… colour my room would be…I’m really not interested in or good at decorating stuff. However, it would …” this is it, you just crushed it down pal.  I’m happy that my hopelessness at interior decoration has solved all your problems!

5. boom chica wowow.  Yes, I’ve always found Typewriters, Comedic Couples, John Boy, and Roller Skates to be sexually stimulating.

6. i am addicted to farmville.  Really?  I’m extremely fond of potato chips…

7. I bet you wish george bush was still president now.  Nope…I wish he (and his father) had opted for different careers (perhaps ant farming?).

8. Yeah my dad will like this.  Oh, good…I write just for him, and I will sleep better tonight knowing that he enjoyed reading my post!

9. the useful ideas u provided do help my investigation for my group, appreaciate that (this came in response to Random, Rants, Roughage, and Rodents).  I’m always eager to assist support groups for people who don’t get enough roughage.

10. This can be one of the most powerful words I ever learned today, I’m talking about this component of your post “…she finds every bit of lint on my living room rug when she’s here, and tries to eat it!After the …” it makes me to feel more intelligent after understanding it.  I’m ecstatic that my baby granddaughter’s scavenging meals off my floor is increasing your obviously high IQ!

Keep those comments coming, scammers spammers!  

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

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113 Comments

Filed under blogging, satire

113 responses to “From the Stupid Spam File…Installment #1

  1. That is HILARIOUS!

    I am new to what my husband and I like to call “Robocommenters.” Some of them fooled me … at first. Till I realized their comment about how “this was good post on a subject!” regarding autism legislation was really just an attempt to promote their site selling cialis online.

    Has this ever worked?! Has ANYONE ever been reading a blog about autism, accidentally ended up on a cialis site and then thought, “What the heck …”

    I love that you saved some of these. Priceless!

  2. I too feel more intelligent now that I’ve read the lint comment! I look forward to reading more of your blog (in a sincere, real person kind of way).

    Thanks for the Friday laughs,
    Amy

  3. Funny! Lucky you. 😉
    At blogger, I don’t get spam. It’s weird, I hear about all this spam response to blogs, and I just don’t get any. I must not be popular enough. Lucky me.

  4. Wow, you get spam you can actually read! Mine is all gibberish and sometimes I worry that I’m really missing something profound!

  5. I just checked. I got a “boom chicka wow wow,” too! What are the odds? 😉

  6. Lol, I know all about this … I’m just glad I’ve got the spam filter warding them all off!

  7. This is so funny, Wendy! I also got a “boom chicka wow wow”!
    Sunshine xx

  8. LOL…I get them too. Oh, how I love a good spam filter:)

  9. I love the idea of talking back to my spam. I’m on WordPress but can’t find the spam file, although my search file has had some pretty funny phrases that have landed people on my blog.

    • Hi Colleen:

      On your Dashboard, check your comments…the spam filter catches certain comments, and identifies them as spam…you can open them up and look at them before deleting them permanently. I keep the good ones and put them in their own file…

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Wendy

  10. LOL…you’ve inspired me to go through some of my spam before I delete it mindlessly!

  11. Sounds as though you’re getting all the cool spam comments or maybe it’s just that your comments add that certain something. 🙂 Great post, Wendy.

  12. I must not have been reading your blog carefully since I have not come acros the Boom Chica powwow post. 😉

  13. My latest spam entrant was “hi do you like car rims?”
    Whatever!
    Sunshine xx

  14. Spam has a way of making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside 🙂

    http://www.runtobefit.wordpress.com

  15. Those were great! Mine are mostly like: Hi, Nice to meet You! Nothing nearly as interesting as the ones you receive 🙂 So much to look forward to!

  16. Ahhh, congrats on getting ‘Pressed’! This is too funny, I know i’ve recieved some of the same ones! I do believe that I got a comment about how “educational” my post about “My Sunday A.D.D. moment” was. Really?

  17. Wooo hooo! Look at you, Freshly Pressed! Congrats, Wendy. So well deserved!!!

  18. This is funny.. one of the things I do to mess with these spammers one in particular who likes to occasionally comment with the same foolish chinese website is that I edit their comment remove all identifying info and push the comment through..

    they finally gave up and I haven’t gotten a comment from them in over 2 weeks.. whoohooo.. lol

  19. I’m sitting here at work, reading your blog and laughing out loud! Thanks for the much needed laugh. You brightened my day!

  20. Wow, I think we’re getting the same spam from the same bots!

    Some of my favorite spams I’ve received are “Most beneficial post” and the flattering “More people should read blog”.

    You can actually get some interesting stats with regards to the spam you’re getting on your WP blog by going to http://yourusermane.wordpress.com/wp-admin/index.php?page=akismet-stats-display where you substitute “yourusername” for your username (duh).

  21. Modern Funk

    LMAO! You are hilarious! So funny. It’s pretty amazing how many boneheads there are in this world! 🙂

  22. I love love love reading the spam comments. But more entertaining I find are the Google Search Engine Terms that people looked up and ended up (bizarrely) at my blog. Some favourites are “night of the living trekkies” and “French big fat ladies”. I’m kind of speechless 🙂

  23. I’m playing an imaginary musical instrument to the tune of “Happy Birthday” that goes: Congratulations to you! Congratulations to you! Congratulations dear Diane, Congratulations to you!. Wow, hilarious blog post and Freshly Pressed to boot (your second time, right?). I feel like I know a real live celeb. Yes, I’ve received world class comments as well. Good for you that you posted yours!

  24. Nice work, Wendy! This is your second Pressed piece, correct?

    Well done.

    Chase

  25. Brilliant as always, Wendy! I had no idea you had such an eclectic array of awesome spam. 😉

  26. That’s a great collection of spam! What I don’t get is the gobbledeegook comments. You know, the “kcava;kfoiu52oi6” ones. What’s their market?

  27. Thank You for telling it like it is. Although I go the “my dad will like this” for something totally appropriate and I kept it.

  28. unabridgedgirl

    Hahah! Oh my goodness, got to love the spam – at least for a good laugh here and there. 🙂

  29. Reading my spam usually just hurts my brain because the choice of wording and placement of words is truly just amazing, not to mention the punctuation is always right on 😉 (that was complete sarcasm) They do make me giggle every now and then! Good post!
    AND congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  30. Hippie Cahier

    Hey, congratulations on the FP!

  31. Wendy! Congrats on being FP’ed! Wouldn’t this have been a fantastic addition to Hippie’s Algonquin Project? Spam…imagine that!

  32. You just made my spam filter interesting ! All the spammers opinion on my writing will be read from now on 🙂

    Great post!

  33. Spam…its what’s for dinner! Um, or not. I haven’t been around long but have already been spammed. Ah well. I enjoy deleting junk (and reading your responses was fun;)

  34. Hilarious, isn’t it? How random a statement can you get with some of these spammers??

    I blogged about stuff around my rear view mirror and I get a spam comment of “Wow, I totally relate”. Really? It was that deep?

    I hit “Delete Permanently”. I don’t have time for them.

    • Thanks for stopping by, Irene…I delete the ones which aren’t funny, but keep the good ones for days like this when I didn’t know what to write about! And it got me FP’d! Wendy

  35. I got a three paragraph diatribe on tax reform when I was Freshly Pressed last month… and seeing as I blog about dating (and the pitfalls of blogging about dating, now that I’m preparing for my seventeenth first date in two months…), I decided to use my moderator powers on that one 🙂 Thanks for the laughs!
    http://www.katrichterwrites.wordpress.com

  36. Hahahaha, This is funny. 😀 I saw number 5 and 6 in my filter too. Number 2 is just crazy!!! hahaha. Thanks for the chuckles and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

  37. I got the “boom chicka wow wow,” too. Who knew I was a sexy blogger? Congratulations on the FP.

  38. N B

    Wow, some people’s stupidity amazes me.

    I have noticed, though, that some spam is destroyed before I even get to see it, askimet has supposedly saved me from 70+ spam messages, but I have only seen about 4 since I created this blog… where have the others gone? Perhaps they were just as amusing as these…

    I am really glad that you can turn these articles of stupid spam into something that delight readers. I hope I don’t turn into one of those stupid spams, though.. Hahaa.

  39. What a great post! I got not one, but two hits today from the search, “classes with rap in the ceiling.” Lol. I can’t possibly imagine what that is or how that would bring them to my site. I blog about Life, Belly Dancing, and Apocalyptic Annihilation. Congratulations for making Freshly Pressed. I’m so glad I found your blog. It’s delightful.

  40. I fell for one this week. Thanks for the light hearted reminder that these robo-idiots aren’t terminal.

  41. But Wendy…you approved a spam comment! The horrors!

  42. Thanks to Akismet, you could have those funny comments all over your blog. 😀

  43. such a funny post! loved it.
    last week I got a “really great post. I come from Milan… etc. etc” which I deleted. less that five minutes later, i received almost the same message saying, “really great post. I come from Italy…”
    hmmm. i must be very appealing to the Italians… 🙂

    Supergoddess Me

  44. Haha 😀 Great spam filter.

    BR
    Lenny (from http://www.kontakttyskland.com)

  45. We can help with all male problem. Safe safe safe Canadian pharmacx.

    And congratulations!

  46. Recently I’ve noticed a new phenomenon, spam linking. In the last month I’ve noticed our astronomy blog has been getting linked to by sites which (from their names at least) have nothing to do with astronomy and appear to be pushing some product or another (ie. cordless phones).

  47. A favorite of mine was the response to a fictional biography I blogged. One of my characters fought as a mercenary for France against the rebellion in Algeria circa 1960. I received a trackback/pingback from a website/blog on Algerian history.

    As for garden-variety spammers, I usually edit out the link to the spammer’s site and then approve the comment. I guess I’m easily amused.

  48. Now, any spam that you receive on THIS piece will be truly ironic.

    My friend recently received some Viagra spam in his email. The email’s subject? “Viagra Spam.” We’re entering a whole new world of boldness here!

    Wineguider, http://www.wineguider.wordpress.com

  49. I love it, and once my spam comments started rolling in I knew I would have to do a similar post someday — hilarious! Do you get the ones where it was obviously mistranslated Chinese, but they will leave two or three in a row, with intriguingly slightly different synonyms? Either way, the irony-lovin’ part of me wonders what sort of spam you will get on this entry…

  50. Woo Hoo, Wendy! I got that George Bush one as well. Whatev! So thrilled for you xo iz

  51. Pingback: Oh, the spam… | Forward! Life Awaits.

  52. You are a breath of fresh air … Thanks.

    BCO

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