Stale and Wrinkled…

HAMMOND RIVER, NB (CP)  Unidentified sources report that writerwoman61, author of the once award-winning blog, Herding Cats in Hammond River, is not adjusting well to her slide into obscurity.  She spends her days staring aimlessly at the computer screen, tabbing between Facebook, Bejewelled Blitz, and her Hotmail account, hoping in vain for a comment (any comment) on her blog.  She eats honey-roasted peanuts straight from the jar, without using a napkin!  She hasn’t cooked anything more exciting than meatloaf all week, and her garden is sadly neglected.  Her dog isn’t even happy to see her when she comes downstairs in the morning!  Things weren’t always like this.

Only a week ago, writerwoman61 left the bookstore for a much-needed appointment with her hairdresser…her locks were getting long, stringy and gray, and her eyebrows were harbouring small rodents.  Nearly three hours later, she was beautiful presentable again, and arrived home to find that her blog had been featured on the WordPress home page…she had been Freshly Pressed for the second time in four months (despite that unfortunate misunderstanding with WordPress editor, Joy, when writerwoman61 wrongly accused her of spelling a word incorrectly)!  An embarrassing ecstatic happy dance ensued, one which sent all four teenagers shrieking in horror from the room.

By the end of the day, there had been 947 hits on writerwoman61’s blog (a 1200% increase over her usual traffic!).  The next day, there were 631 visits.  Writerwoman61 busied herself responding to the hundreds dozens of comments on her featured blog post, and marvelled at the response to an entry she considered fluffy at best…certainly not her finest work!  She hoped that the visitors took the time to check out some of her other posts while they were there!  She also found some new bloggers whose coattails she could ride blogs she added to her Blogroll.

When she looked at her Dashboard on the 3rd day FP (Freshly Pressed), writerwoman61 became despondent.  It was early July all over again…déjà vu!  She hadn’t put up a new post, and only 42 people had dropped by!  That night, she sat down at the keyboard and churned out a new post…who could resist a post about pets?  The next day, the blog was back at its “normal” traffic level of about 80 hits.  Writerwoman61’s spirits perked up a bit.

When Monday morning dawned, writerwoman61 had a bad case of writer’s block…her stats dropped again.  She spent the day getting groceries and doing laundry.  October 19th was her friend J.T.’s birthday…a post about a guy who’d lived through three bouts with cancer and a heart attack would definitely attract some readers…she was right!  There were 84 hits that day, and 83 the next.

As of 3:15 p.m. AST today, there have only been 40 hits on Herding Cats in Hammond River…writerwoman61 is about as popular as ants at a picnic…can a blog called Hoarding Cats in Hammond River be close behind?


Filed under blogging, satire

53 responses to “Stale and Wrinkled…

  1. planejaner

    Lady…I know. I know.
    It will be all better.

  2. duke1959

    I wish I had those number of visits. Hang in there!

  3. Ah, the Fame Whore has us all in her clutches. When I went out of town, my hits went down the toilet. But I am small potatoes (the little round red ones) compared to you. All over the world, at this very moment, bleary-eyed people are sitting at their computer screens, wearing coffee-stained pjs and waiting for that next “Awaiting Moderation” message to affirm that someone new has found them in the Everest of blogs. Cats, herded and unherded, hoarded and unhoarded, whimper at their untended litter boxes. It’s a sad state, indeed. But what the hell. The whole thing is a hoot, no? At any rate, I am now one of your devoted followers. I will follow you anywhere, as long as I have computer access, that is. You can’t ask for much more than that. xxoo Renee

  4. Ah ha! So it is best to remain simply anonymous and hide in my little corner…far away from the shining light of the FP spotlight. Lest I be depressed and unable to recover from the loss of popularity in the ensuing days…

    You still deserve the spotlight! 😉

  5. Kim Pugliano

    At least you’ve been Freshly Pressed (sigh).

  6. judy

    Although I don’t comment on every one of your blogs, I read them all and have not found one that didn’t hold my interest. Thanks for the great daily read.

  7. brad

    I get my kids to help me with the big words but otherwise I too am a loyal reader!

    p.s. did I hear someone’s herding ants at a Hammond River picnic?

  8. I am here! Ready for duty and be counted for!

    Sorry I missed the party for the spam filters! I read the post in my email inbox but was not able to come over and comment because Blackberry for some reason just sucks.

  9. Hippie Cahier

    I’m feeling really guilty about my role in this. I haven’t been able to read and/or comment as much as I would like. I’ve been a bad citizen-blogger.

    I came up with a somewhat lame “writing topic” for the week. Maybe that will help? At the very least, you could blog about what a lame writing topic it is!

    • My goodness, Hippie…you came up with good writing topics so far…got lots of comments on them! You’re a great “citizen-blogger.” If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have been introduced to Ian and Suzanne! I appreciate you visiting and commenting on my blog! Wendy

  10. I follow, although not religiously…lack of time mostly, hence my own hiatus from blogging for approximately 2 weeks…I guess you could say I mostly lurk in the shadows, as I don’t often comment. 🙂 I enjoy your blog(s) and hope my visit today helped your stats.


  11. Oh my. Girl, you need to get out more. I too get a little addicted to the screen and I wander over to the stats page a little more than I should. But the reality that only 6 people read my blog on a daily basis sets me straight. Even with all the pretty pictures and descriptive words? Obscurity at its best. Hey, call me an artist… not appreciated in my own time. Maybe in 100 years they will realize the genius that I was… if only they could find my blog to prove it! 😉

    Happy times ahead. 😀

  12. duke1959

    This reminds me of someone who can’t decide if they are going to drive the Porsche or the BMW.

    • Hey, duke…tried to find your blog, but there’s no link attached to your name…please go into your Account Settings and enter a URL for your blog, so that your name will be a link! That should greatly increase your traffic! Wendy

  13. I’m reading and enjoying your blog. I just thought I’d take the time to tell you so.

  14. I had wondered whether FP readers were fickle or not! Oh dear. I love your blog, I’m a happy follower of Herding Cats, and I enjoy the creativity of your topics and your great writing. Always! I’m glad we found each other!
    Sunshine xx

  15. Eyebrows harboring small rodents – funny line.

    I agree with Duke’s comment. Having been Pressed TWICE, you probably aren’t going to receive a lot of sympathy from the peasantry.

    But I can empathize with the sentiment. When you’ve tasted quadruple digit hits, it’s sobering to return to the land of doubles.

    But these are your real people, right?

    Have a great weekend, Wendy.


    • Thank you, Chase, for “getting” it (and for noticing the eyebrow line)! I love my “real people”…what I wish is for the “blog surfers” to stick around a little longer! Hope your weekend is free of rabid leopard seals… Wendy

  16. Hey Wendy!

    LOL…loved this post Wendy! Trust you to make funny out of most anything 🙂 And for the record…nothing about you, this post or your blog is Stale or Wrinkled!!

    Keep doing what you do and more FPs on the way for sure!!


  17. Ha! It’s OK, Wendy. Try to not obsess over the daily numbers. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. You want slow, steady growth, a general trend upward. Just keep herding those cats, and you’ll be fine! 🙂

  18. I love your writing. It’s interesting hearing about the highs and lows of being FP. I know I’ll never be pressed so I have to live vicariously through others experiences.

    So personal opinion time. Do you feel more pressure to write after being pressed or has it made it easier to?

    • There is absolutely no reason you couldn’t be FP’d, Ian! Truthfully, the only pressure I have to write comes from within…I write if I feel like it, and try not to be hard on myself if I can’t come up with anything I consider important or interesting enough to put out there…I never want to waste anybody’s time. Even if I’m writing about trivial things, if it makes somebody happy, that’s good enough for me! Wendy

  19. Oh, friend. I hear you. I imagine this is what heroin feels like. A euphoric high. A devastating low. And perhaps even more so than herion, because it’s more personal.

    But here’s what I’ve learned about Freshly Pressed. The exposure is great, and the stats are outstanding. But the best part is that it brings you to fabulous people you want to stick with for a while. That’s what I loved about meeting you this way. You visited my blog, I visited yours, and the more I read, the more I wanted to sit down with your posts each morning over a cup of tea–almost like having a cup of tea with you in person. And that makes me happy.

    Stats be damned, I think you and your blog are simply great.

    • Thanks, Maura, for “getting it”! I just wish that more people would stick around the way you and my other “real people” (as Chase puts it) have! I think your blog is pretty great too! Wendy

  20. I had another bloggy buddy that got the sudden WordPress feature fame. It must be thrilling to get that spike in traffic! Hopefully a few loyal followers came from it. That’s more fulfilling in the long run anyway.

  21. Oh, those blasted stats…a blessing and a curse. I love your blog and so enjoy following along. Hugs, Diane

  22. You mean all the people go away!! 🙂 A moment in the sun is fun but I suspect I’ll be back to my oh so very humble numbers soon. Hoping for at least a couple days? 🙂


  23. Todd is right…slow and steady!

    You’ve got a loyal following and youre good at what we do. I issue a denial on your staleness ma’am.

  24. duke1959

    I squish all meanies as a hobby! Send them along!

  25. Never stale and definitely not wrinkled… How wonderful, being freshly pressed for a second time–or even a first time..

    Your post made me giggle.. Loved it!

  26. You are so right. Writing is such an emotional journey. I love the line “without even using a napkin!” That one little image is priceless.

  27. Whoa! You really are pretty darn funny…and witty! I’m glad I checked your links from Kathy’s blog!
    Chalk me up as another statistic on your dashboard 😀

    • Thanks, Munira…if you have time, please check out more of the archives. I started a new job in June, and haven’t been writing nearly as many new posts this summer…glad you found me though! Wendy

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