Facebook Ads That Made Me Go “Hmmm”…

 

My name is Wendy, and I’m a recovering Facebook addict (since I started blogging, I have a lot less time for Facebook now!).  I no longer have a farm on Farm Town, but I still play Scrabble, Lexulous, Wordscraper, Hexagonized and Bejeweled Blitz.   Because of my penchant for word/puzzle games, I get to see sidebar advertising on Facebook that is supposedly selected with me in mind…here is a sample of what I saw down the right side when I clicked in to play Scrabble this morning:

Wow...those are some sparkly lips!

The ad said: “FREE Samples Oct. 28

Hurry, these will go fast!  Top brands giving away free samples.  Enter your email to qualify”

My response:

Dear Random Sample Company,

I am not hopeful that coating my decidely un-Angelie Jolie-like lips in heavy metal is going to improve my appearance or my love life…what else have you got?  How about those invisible boob-lifters…do you have any of those?  I also like neat earrings.  My address is attached…please pack whatever you send carefully…our post office uses parcels for soccer games at lunchtime.

I could run all day for the rest of my life and not look like this...

The ad said: “Mom’s Weight Loss Rule

How to flatten that stubborn mid section effectively.  It really works, just read this story.  You have nothing to lose.”

My response:

Dear Seriously-Delusional Weight Loss Guru:

I could only look like the girl in the picture if:

a. I had not had three children over a 12-year period.

b. I stop including potato chips as one of the four food groups. 

c. I get more exercise than walking from the computer to the kitchen to get a snack.

d. I have extensive plastic surgery (full body/facial package) after a steamroller runs over my midsection repeatedly.

You say that I have “nothing to lose.”  On the contrary…it’s probably about 50 lbs. 

Signing off to take my brownies out of the oven.

I could eat a lot of pudding for $5000!

The ad said: “Be a Pudding Investigator

Enter for a chance to win $5000 plus weekly prizes.  Join Kozy Shack in investigating the ingredients in your pudding.”

My response:

Dear Kozy Shack:

 Sign me up.  I could really use $5000!  I feel it only fair to warn you that I suck at science, so any “investigation” of pudding ingredients I make will probably be rudimentary.  Also, I’m lactose-intolerant, so I generally avoid pudding all together (let’s just say that bad things happen when I eat it!).  I have attached my address so that you can forward the cheque.

Art??? I think not...

The ad said: “Unleash your inner artist

Realize your artistic potential on the Amex fan page and you could win a trip for two to NYC!”

My response:

Dear Amex,

I don’t have one of  your cards…my income is significantly less than your minimum requirement (and I get paid in ice cream).  I believe I reached my artistic potential in kindergarten when we glued string and macaroni on to cardboard, painted it, and then sprinkled it with glitter.  I humbly suggest that your pictured artwork might be more powerful if the big blue blotch were on the right instead of the left side.  I really don’t want to go to New York City…it’s crowded, noisy and scary!  I would love to visit my brother, who lives near Ottawa…could you throw in four more tickets so the kids could go too?  Oh, one more thing: I don’t fly Air Canada…it has to be WestJet (we’ll need a limo to Moncton, because they only fly out of Saint John in the summertime)!  Looking forward to our trip!   

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34 Comments

Filed under rants, satire

34 responses to “Facebook Ads That Made Me Go “Hmmm”…

  1. So funny! I never click on those ads because I’m convinced I will be taken immediately to a porn site or will have pop ups of screen savers on my computer forever. But it would be worth it to be a pudding investigator.

  2. planejaner

    I am choking on laughter…my fb side ads always leave me scratching my head and going…”huh?”
    🙂
    blessings
    jane

  3. Pudding investigator?! That is the best. I love it. That’s what I want to be when I grow up.

  4. HILARIOUS! This is as good as your responses to the weird spam you got — which has been shared with FB friends, Twitter followers and family/friends around the globe 🙂

    I too am continually confused by the FB sidebar ads I get. Currently, my ads are for Family Dollar candy and Dairy Queen Blizzards, so they clearly have a much higher expectation for your commitment to healthy living than mine!

  5. I’m glad you can find something funny in them. I find them far too annoying and try not to even see them now. Fortunately the ones that have escaped my “non-noticing” are all geared toward photography. I stand corrected. I just checked back and there are Ugg boot ads, CCSVI testing, and weird costumes. Also, how to publish my book. How ever did they know I’m working on the memoirs of my rather boring uninteresting life?

  6. LOL Wendy!! What a great way to start my Friday morning!! Loved every one of your responses, although I’m not sure the companies will see it that way 😉 Like we care!

    I’m curious about that Pudding one though…why do they want to investigate their ingredients? That immediately makes me wary of putting those puddings anywhere near my mouth! And whose puddings are they investigating exactly? Their own or just anyone who needs their puddings investigated on the off chance that they are being slowly poisoned by jealous relatives?? Hmmmm…I think I have the necessary skills and attitude of an investigator…suspicious to the core, that’s me! Maybe I should send in an application as well 😉

    Thank-you for my daily dose of laughter Wendy! You never let me down 🙂

    • Glad you enjoyed it, Harsha! The pudding thing has me puzzled too…I really have no idea! Maybe you should sign up…that $5000 would come in handy to pay for the new car… Wendy

  7. I wonder how they target people?? I get constant requests for ‘etes vous une cougar?’ – are you a cougar? And links to websites for older women/younger men. Tres bizarre!

  8. I also often wonder about those ads! This is so funny, Wendy – love your responses! I hope you sent them? 🙂
    Sunshine xx

    • Thanks, Sunshine…glad you enjoyed them! And no, I didn’t really send them…that would require actually clicking on the ads, and that’s a can of worms I don’t want to open! Hugs, Wendy

  9. Being paid in ice cream sounds just fine to me…

    🙂

  10. Pudding investigator. I love it. If you pudding is investigated and charged with a crime, will it spend the night in Jello?

  11. I’m not on Facebook but just love all the pharmaceutical tv commercials followed by the law firm ads advertising for the same product as “Bad Drug” lawsuits on the same channel.

    Love your blog! Jeanne

  12. Hehehe. You know what’s disturbing about those ads? They’re supposedly “tailored to your preferences”.

    I guess when i said I hated Lady Gaga they took that as me expressing interest in anything and everything she does. XD

    • That’s why I found them so funny, Ian! I share your low opinion of Lady Gaga…I find her to be just a tired retread of Madonna 25 years ago (I used to call her “Brass Boobs”)…

      Wendy

  13. Pudding mix and milk. Investigation over. $5,000 please!

  14. Ooh, I posted a FB pic on FB the other day because I could barely believe it! They were these fingernails with encrusted flowers stuck to them. (So practical!) I can think of numerous nasty implications here, but let your imagination run wild!

    I’m a cat-herder too. I had four, but we recently had to let one go. (She was 18 and developed an incurable condition.) Still have our Gilbert, Daisy and Red and we’ll be taking on my mom and her boy, Harry in a few months time!

    Are you in Canada?

    Kat

    • Thanks for stopping by, Kat! I hope if you have time that you’ll check out the archives… Oh, my…if I put anything on my fingernails, it wouldn’t last more than five minutes…I work for a living (and cook, wash dishes and do laundry)! My blog title refers to something that’s impossible to do (herding cats), which pretty much describes our lives with four teenagers still at home (and a dog – no cats due to allergies). Yes, I’m in Hammond River, New Brunswick, Canada.

      Wendy

  15. Thank you so much for the laugh! I’m now going to be paying much closer attention to Facebook ads. Scary sometimes which ads pop up considering that they’re supposed to be customized for me. I don’t think Facebook thinks much of me!

    Thanks again. Needed a good chuckle,
    Amy

  16. You had me chuckling.. I’ve got to be honest I don’t pay any attention to those ads. But I love that you do!!!

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