I’ll Take Drooling for $750, Alex…

Announcer: This is Jeopardy!*  Our contestant this evening is Wendy.  She’s a bookstore owner and blogger from Hammond River, Canada.  Here is our host, Alex Trebek

Alex: It’s nice to have you here, Wendy!

Wendy: Thank you, Alex!  I’m so excited!  And I live in New Brunswick…it’s a province in Canada.  Hey, how come you left Sudbury for the U.S., anyway?

Alex: Well…um…there weren’t many job opportunities for philosophy majors in Northern Ontario, so I moved to California and became a game show host.  On with the game…what category would you like to start with?

Wendy: I’ll take “Dental Surgery” for $100, please.

Alex: And the answer is: He delivered your newspaper two years ago on his BMX bike.

Wendy [buzz]: Who is Dr. MacDonald, the guy who did Anna’s surgery today?

Alex: Correct.  Next choice, please.

Wendy:  Same category for $200, Alex.

Alex:  And the answer is:  This tooth was supposed to have fallen out of your daughter’s mouth six years ago.

Wendy [buzz]: What is her left eyetooth?

Alex: Correct!  Pick again.

Wendy: Let’s stick with “Dental Surgery” for $300, Alex.

Alex: It’s the Audio Daily Double…listen carefully [sound of chairs dragging across the floor; a toddler screaming “I’m not a cat!”; and a mother saying, “Guys! Don’t wreck the place!”].

Wendy [buzz]: Who is the blonde who blissfully ignored her two children as they rearranged the waiting room in the dentist’s office?

Alex: Right again…you know your dental surgery!  Where to now?

Wendy:  Dental surgery for $400, please.

Alex: And the answer is: This item was cemented to your daughter’s permanent tooth which was fused to her jaw bone, after the surgeon rearranged her gums.

Wendy [buzz]: What is a one-inch gold chain?

Alex: Correct!  Would you like to finish the category?

Wendy: Yes, please…dental surgery for $500.

Alex: For $500, the answer is: This figure is how many times more expensive the surgery was than what you expected.

Wendy [buzz]: What is three?

Alex: Correct again…you swept the category!  Now it’s time for Final Jeopardy…the category is “MasterCard”.  Think about your wager while we go to commercial.

[Commercial for Crest toothpaste]

Alex:  And we’re back.  Here’s the answer: Ten years.

Wendy [writing]: How long will it take to pay off my MasterCard after all the kids have their teeth fixed?

Alex: That’s right…how much did you wager?

Wendy: All $1500!

Alex:  Congratulations!  You’ll be going home with $3000!  After you pay for your plane tickets, you might have enough left to get a coffee at Tim’s!

Wendy: But, I don’t drink coffee…

[closing credits roll as Wendy walks dejectedly offstage] 

* Note: This is a piece of historical fiction.  I have never been a Jeopardy contestant (but if I were, I’d hopefully bring home more than $3000!).  All the details of Anna’s surgery are true (except for Dr. MacDonald being my paperboy – his mom won’t let him ride his bike after dark).


Filed under family, satire

32 responses to “I’ll Take Drooling for $750, Alex…

  1. Oh, Wendy – you are SO funny! And so creative. What a fabulous idea for a post. Sorry the surgery was so pricey, and they certainly do make dentists and doctors young these days, don’t they?
    Another wonderful post – thanks! xx

  2. This was so hilarious. I’m an anti-dentite (a little Seinfeld humour if you’re so inclined), so I was a little nervous when I saw the words dental surgery – even the words make me shake in my boots. I’m a little jealous of your $3000 winnings – regardless of them being fictional!

  3. Love this post You are so creative. Have you been through braces yet? Two of my four had to have braces and all four have had their wisdom teeth removed surgically because they were impacted. I got done paying for dental work just in time to start paying college tuition. Only 50% done with that.

    • Yup…Brianna got hers once Devin’s were off, and Anna was the third one to get them, and Hope will probably need them too! Kaylee probably should have had them, but she doesn’t live with me any more, so she’s on her own! Thanks for stopping by, Jeanne! Wendy

  4. Okay, so ya had me giggling… Wendy, you are too funny!! You have such a fun way of writing your posts. I bet your giggling all the while you write.

  5. planejaner

    chuckle chuckle…

  6. Hilarious. And while I’m laughing, I’m feeling guilty. I so resent dental bills! My 89 year old aunt was seen by a dentist for a regular check up. She’s not complaining about anything. Result: $20 for the check up and $4000 suggested dental work. Yeah, right.

  7. Poor Anna, hope she’s feeling okay and is fully recovered soon! Dental bills bite!!

    Love the way you wrote the post in Jeopardy format. Cleverly done. Hugs, Diane

  8. Kim Pugliano

    HAHAHA!!! Hilarious, in a total “Ohhhh that sucks!” kinda way.

  9. Clever, clever post! What a fun read for me tonight!

  10. Well done! Everyone should be on a game show once in their life, even if it is imaginary!


    • Thanks for stopping by, Master! Sorry for the delay in replying, but your comment was caught by my spam filter. People can get to your blog by clicking on your name…no need to repeat your website!

      Glad you enjoyed my post!


  11. LOL…such a HOOT Wendy!! But seriously…you got to do something about that coffee bit! Nothing wrong with a good strong cuppa (unless you’re allergic to caffeine)!

  12. Good stuff! I mean, What is good stuff?

    (Sometimes, if I need to time something, and I’m not wearing a watch, I’ll whistle the music for Final Jeapordy. It times out to about 30 seconds, so whistling it twice equals a minute. I’m not ashamed of doing this.)

  13. izziedarling

    Oh, Wendy! Hilarious but so sorry about the all the dental torture. Your approach – brilliant! x iz

  14. Great format for your story, but how does the gold chain come into play?

    • Anna has a tooth which is fused to the bone, and they’ve attached the gold chain to it…then the orthodontist will attach the chain to her braces, in the hope that the stubborn tooth will come down where it’s supposed to be… Wendy

  15. Yikes! (Both in pain, and in pocket). Loved this post set-up, as I love finding new ways to laugh at Alex Trebek!

  16. This is one of the most creative way of telling a story I have read in the blogosphere!

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