Introducing Jake…Guest Blogger…

"Writing skills run in my family!"

Mommy’s gone back to the bookstore today after kind of a crazy week…she asked me to tell you about yesterday.

I woke up when Grandad got up…he took me outside on the leash, but I just sniffed around looking for this guy, who was on our porch with his buddy last night, devouring our Halloween pumpkins:

Doesn't he look like fun to play with? (Anna took the picture)

I waited until Grandad went back outside to work on the woodpile before I snuck into the back kitchen and pooped on the floor.

Mommy came downstairs about 9:30, looking like something the cat drug in…oh wait, Mommy had to get rid of the cats when she moved in with Daddy…allergies and stuff!  Hope had hollered upstairs and told her how hungry she was, so of course (sucker that she is) Mommy came running down right away!  I jumped all over her and gave her kisses, so she’d know how much I loved her!  Daddy won’t let me jump on him right now…he’s afraid I’ll bump my head into his sore nose!

Mommy got out all the stuff to make Toad in the Hole for three, but then Hope said she didn’t like that kind of bagel, so she didn’t want any.  Anna was getting in the shower, so she wasn’t ready for hers yet.  Then Anna asked, instead of Toad in the Hole, if she could have French Toast Bagel, with cinnamon.  Mommy was muttering bad words while she made breakfast.  She made Daddy some tea…he was lying in the LazyBoy chair in the living room.  She got him some antibiotics too.

By the time Mommy sat down at the computer to check her e-mail and eat her breakfast, Anna was out of the shower.  She and Hope started their usual Sunday morning bickering.  It took Mommy half an hour to drink her tea…she got up so many times to referee the stuff going on in the family room!  I got to lick her plate though!  Finally, Mommy went upstairs to have a shower.

When Mommy came back down, she was in a little better mood…weird thing about humans…they don’t like being dirty like we do!  She started folding the eight loads of laundry, while Hope and Anna played on their computers, and listened to crappy music (my excuse for not helping is that I don’t have opposable thumbs – I barked at the squirrels on the deck, and begged to be let out every half hour, just so Mommy wouldn’t be bored).  Daddy was watching something on TV (but his eyes were closed).

About lunch time, Mommy went outside to the garden…I watched out the window while she pulled up rutabagas and carrots (rutabagas suck, but carrots are awesome and crunchy!).  Her nose kept running whenever she leaned over.  When Mommy came in, she had mud on her face from blowing her nose with muddy fingers (I think she had tissues in her pocket).

Mommy told Daddy that Kaylee and Scott were coming over for supper.  I love them, but I hope they don’t bring that thing!

Isn't it scary?

Mommy started making meatballs for supper…mmm!  She hasn’t made those in a long time!  She used Daddy’s ice cream scoop with the release on it, so she wouldn’t have to touch the raw meat with her fingers.  Grandad peeled and sliced the carrots…it took him forever (but not as long as it took Anna to peel and slice the potatoes for the Spinach and Potatoes Alfredo – oh, my Marmaduke – that kid is slower than Mommy!).  I hoped Mommy would forget the rutabagas, but she put them in the oven to bake.

Kaylee and Scott came about 4:30, and my worst fears were realized…it must have snuck into their car when they weren’t looking!  I barked, but it didn’t go away!  Mommy ran around the living room, picking up clean clothes off the couches and chairs, firing empty meal replacement shake bottles into the recycling, and pushing the LazyBoy back where it belonged against the wall.

Daddy settled himself back into the LazyBoy, and Mommy came in to visit with our guests while supper was cooking.  They let the thing walk and crawl around on the floor…it was picking up all the good stuff that I like to eat!  I watched from the safety of Grandad’s lap.  I never saw such a squirmy thing!  Kaylee had made chocolate chip cookies…they didn’t share those with me (a little chocolate never hurt anybody…oh, yeah…now I remember Hope’s birthday party last year and the Smore incident!).

Oh, no!  Daddy picked it up…”Watch out, Daddy!  It‘s going to whack you in the nose!”  I barked, but Mommy yelled at me.

Soon, it was time for supper…I staked out the couch in the dining room, waiting in case anyone dropped something on the floor…no luck!  “What do you keep giving that thing perfectly good carrots for…I could take those off your hands!”  Daddy slipped me some meatball when he thought Mommy wasn’t looking.  They were having pumpkin pie for dessert…I’m not a fan!

After the dishes got carried to the kitchen, Mommy put down the meatball pan and the potato dish for me to lick…amazing stuff…I love that woman!

Kaylee and Scott left with the thing right after supper…they said something about it‘s missing its afternoon nap…I was glad it was gone, so I could have my Mommy and Daddy to myself again!  The nerve of them bringing that to my house!

I jumped up on Mommy just as soon as she sat down on the couch to watch TV…I think they should do a new version of the Amazing Race with Mommies and their dogs!  I’m smarter than Nick, for sure!

Nick...I've eaten Milk-Bones smarter than he is!

After the show was over, Mommy went upstairs to bed…Daddy stayed in the LazyBoy (she wasn’t mad at him…I saw her kiss him good night!).  I wasn’t lonely last night…maybe if I’m lucky, Daddy will sleep down here every night…


Filed under family, food, gardening, satire

28 responses to “Introducing Jake…Guest Blogger…

  1. What a cute idea for a post! Wendy, you are very creative! Good to hear about your day from Jake’s perspective! xx

  2. Oh sweet lord! I hope Jake does more blog posts! So darn cute! Loved this perspective.

    (I hope you’re getting some rest… sounds like you live a very busy life.) 😉

  3. planejaner

    Funny! Great to have a play by play from the poochie.

    the Amazing Race…is kind of leaving me flat, this season…


    • Thanks, Jane! I was disappointed when Michael and Kevin were eliminated last week, and by Gary and Mallory being out this week. Love Nat and Kat, and Brooke and Claire, though! Hugs, Wendy

  4. See, dogs can blog, but cats really struggle to come up with something like “Can I has cheezburger?”

    P.S. The Williamson County section of Nashville’s daily newspaper, The Tennessean, used to run a weekly column by a dog called Sally. The column ended last November, when Sally passed away after a seizure. She was 15. I’m not making this up.

  5. Hippie Cahier

    Very cute post, Wendy. I wonder if The Thing is guest blogging “its” perspective somewhere about the noisy creature that wanted to steal its carrots. 🙂

    I’m just popping in but it sounds like you have a cold. Hope you’re feeling better.

    • No, actually, I’m physically fine (just allergies)…it’s Jim and Anna who both had surgery (Jim: sinus and Anna: dental) last week…

      Mentally…a little stressed though… Thanks for your good wishes, Hippie! Wendy

  6. This was great — loved reading Jake’s perspective of you :). I loved his thoughts regarding the “Thing” too … reminds me of our dog, Freddy, who wants nothing to do with our daughter, Luna. Luna, on the other hand, doesn’t leave him alone if he’s around.

    Here’s some energy for the mental stress … I understand all too well how that goes!

  7. Jake, you are adorable! You have a great eye (and nose) for what’s going on around you. Great job keeping Mommy from getting bored. That’s quite important work!

  8. Great pic of the Thing. That is some impressive eyebrow control.

    You can almost hear an audible dog-sigh from my parents’ mutt when our crew shows up. Sort of like, “Here we go…”

    Fun stuff, Wendy.

    • Thanks, Chase…I think that photo will definitely come out at her wedding…she’s usually such a smiley kid! I keep hoping Jake will warm up to her, but it’s been more than a year, and he’s still terrified…I’m thinking he has some psychological issues (which are probably our fault, since we’re his “parents”)! Oh, well… Thanks for popping over to Hammond River…it’s probably not much quieter than your place, but the tea’s always on! Wendy

  9. Thanks for starting my day off with a giggle. Jake rocks!

  10. Aaaaaaaaaw…I do hope Jake is going to be a regular guest. maybe if you give him more carrots and keep ‘the thing’ away!!!

    Fabulous idea and fabulous post Wendy 🙂 Writing certainly does run in the family 😉 Loved it!

  11. Awww, Jake. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy! You have the same knack for story telling as your mama.

    So cute. What a good doggy. Cyber scratch behind the ears.

  12. Ahh… it’s a dog’s life. I miss my dog, so it was nice to share a bit of yours. I don’t, however, think our doggie is as clever as yours. Her day is a bit more like ‘Slept. Ate a bit. Played with the chickens.’

    but, as usual, I’m yoinking your idea (as the Irish would say) and I’m sure my readers of my posh blog will like it ; )

    So you are, as always, an inspiration. Not just as a doggie-mommy but as a writer woman!

  13. Wendy, Jake did a marvelous job as guest blogger. I hope you invite him back again.. Hehe,,Cute!

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