Gentlemen…Start Your Search Engines…

Last fall, I did a fun post about the search terms people had used to find my blog.  Six months later, I found myself facing an empty screen, so decided to put together another one (note to Ironic Mom and her “Tangled” accomplice – I am purposely leaving out search bombs)!

Technically-Challenged Searchers

use Plunger.  I sincerely hope this person’s toilet wasn’t overflowing while he stopped to Google what most people instinctively know.  That might be difficult to explain to the insurance company!

"Gee, which end should I use?" (photo from plumbinghelp.ca)

easiest roller coaster out of sticks.  Generally, I try to avoid amusement parks.  When I do get dragged to one by my teenagers, we have a rule that no one is allowed to ride the roller coaster made of sticks (at least not without a helmet!).

letter p blackberry fell off.  It is terribly inconvenient when my “p” falls off!  It really ‘isses me off!

Consumer Searchers

what kind of watch does jack carter from eureka wear.  A sexy one, of course.  It would also have all the latest gadgets.

Jack Carter with his sexy watch (photo from wormholeriders.net)

high school music hall pom pom girl wallpaper.  Bad news, ma’am…wallpaper is getting very difficult to find, and high school music hall pom pom girl wallpaper has to be special-ordered from Texas.

cast iron giraffe toilet paper holder.  A regular plastic spindle just will not do.  And it can’t be a rhinocerous either.

macho en calzones. This poor person was looking for men’s underwear…he was probably really surprised to be directed to a post about deer challenging electric fences and pizza pockets!

Spelling-Challenged Searchers

mr. been.  I assume this person meant Mr. Bean, who isn’t a has-been yet.  They still show his specials on CBC all the time.

Mr. Bean...still funny after all these years (photo from slidephoneblog.blogspot.com)

pumpkinks attack.  That sounds scary, and twisted, all at the same time!  This isn’t that kind of blog!

fune catsin wedes.  This is a head-scratcher: my blog is fun, I have the word “cats” in the title, and I have talked about “weeds” occasionally in gardening posts…any other guesses?

Food Searchers

garlic and brown sugar cheese ball.  This misguided soul obviously didn’t get the memo about cheese balls not being served at parties held after 1980…I was horrified to discover that an actual recipe exists for this abomination.  It is not on my site, and never will be!

define chicken heart.  Okay, bud…put down the plunger, and think really hard!

This is not a chicken heart...(photo from southviewfarmcottage.co.uk)

Medical Searchers

flatulence in 10 year old boy.  I can’t help you with that.  I only know about farting teenagers, and 48-year-old men who spend a lot of time “reading magazines”.

does zumba work make your legs chunky.  It’s possible.  My legs are definitely chunky after that one time I tried Zumba.  And it wasn’t “work”…it was torture!  I’ll never do that again!

Animal Searchers

chinese sturgeon.  Another disappointed Googler…we visited the aquarium in St. Andrews where we saw sturgeon of the North American variety, and had Chinese food on the way home (nobody opted for fish).

the monkees with cats.  Did The Monkees own cats?  I don’t know.  I talked about them once (the musical group), but the discussion was about Mike Nesmith’s mom and her invention of Liquid Paper.

Does Mickey have a cat under his poncho? (photo from 8notes.com)

wet tail.  What was this hapless searcher looking for?  Whatever it was, I don’t think he found it on my blog.

Searchers With Too Much Time On Their Hands

welcome sing to my room.  I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest this person may not have had English as his first language.

taylor swift just a zombie baby.  I wouldn’t go that far…she’s actually not a bad singer!

Not very zombie-like at all...(photo from theimproper.com)

“my holy pants”.  I have never been a religious person.  However, I do have a pair of pants which are not fit to wear in public, but too good to throw out.  I tend to wear them around the house on Sundays…hence “my holy pants.”

What are some of the strange terms people have found your blog with?

Macho Deer, Calzones, Aggressive Squirrels, and Fallen Trees…

Here, for your Wednesday reading pleasure, are some random happenings from my weekend:

1. My landlord and I had a fun discussion about our gardens on Friday when he came to collect the rent.  He told me that he had paid $1500 to install a solar-powered electric fence to keep the deer out of his, but that the bucks had recently started breaching security.  “I don’t know if they’re proving their manhood…they twitch a little when they go through, but do it anyway!”  It made me giggle to see his impression of the bucks as they passed through the current.  He said they had taken a bite out of every one of his beloved squash (he told me he was boiling them anyway)…I invited him to come and help himself to some of our “unused” squash!

2. A new bird has joined the flock which comes to feast at Jim’s Bird Feeder Smorgasbord: it’s quite shy, and just flits onto the deck and picks up the seeds the greedy goldfinches spill.  It’s a white-breasted nuthatch.

White-breasted nuthatch...

The Smorgasbord has been closed for the last couple of days as it had been raining most of last week, and the water had gotten into the feeders, causing the bird seed to sprout.  Not wanting to hurt our fine feathered friends, Jim has been washing the feeders out with bleach and soapy water, and will refill them shortly (he buys so much nyger seed at Bulk Barn, I think we should own stock there by now!).

3. It was a gorgeous day on Saturday…who would have thought I’d be sitting on our deck shelling orca beans in a T-shirt and bare feet on October 2nd (in case you’re wondering, I was also wearing jeans!)?

4. I’m liking this “give Mom a break” thing we started with cooking.  On Saturday, Jim made an amazing pot roast with potatoes, onions, carrots, turnip, rutabaga (from our garden), peas, corn, and homemade gravy.  Last night, Anna and Hope made Chinese food…it was awesome!  The kids are cooking again Friday night…can’t wait to see what they have planned!

5. Anna was taking pictures of one of our resident grey squirrels through a window the other day…when it saw her, it started launching itself towards the window!  It did it at least twice…

6. Saturday night, Jim and I went to see the new movie, “The Social Network.”  In case you haven’t heard, it’s about how Facebook got started.  It was quite an interesting social study…Jim liked that the technical parts were accurate!  The writing is very good, but it’s definitely not an “easy” movie…the teenagers talking behind us made it somewhat difficult to follow sometimes!  The way Mark Zuckerburg’s character talked was sometimes reminiscent of “Rain Man.”  Jim had to go for a pit stop in the middle of the movie…while moving my knees out of his way, I managed to dump half my box of Raisinets on the floor (glad I bought them at the Dollar Store and not the theatre – that would have been an expensive accident!).

7.  Sunday morning, I started boiling down tomatoes from the garden for pizza sauce.  Jim wanted me to make calzones similar to what we’d had last week at a local restaurant.  There were quite a few tomatoes, and it took them several hours to get thick enough for sauce.  I added minced onion and garlic, chili powder, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, Italian seasoning, salt, pepper, and sugar.  It was delicious!  Then I made the calzones, which while easy, take time to shape and fill (I used pepperoni, fresh mushrooms, and mozzarella cheese, along with the sauce).  We ate late that night, but they were good!  I had a whole bag of pizza sauce left, which I put in the freezer for another time.

Two of the finished calzones...yes, that's a dinner-sized plate! Yummy!

8. In the afternoon, we went over to Jim’s parents to pick up some firewood.  While they were away visiting relatives last week, a big maple tree in their back yard had fallen down during a windstorm, narrowly missing their carport!  They offered us the wood.  We filled up the back of the van…we went back to get the rest last night.  It should be close to a cord…that will save us some money next year!

9. Sunday night, Jim and I went to the Blue Olive to see Rose Cousins, one of our favourite folk singers.  She was her usual, funny, charming self, although she was fighting a cold…she joked that a Canada Goose had gotten into her nose.  Rose introduced us to a couple of other singers who are just starting out: Heather Green and Ria Mae.  We liked them both, and especially enjoyed the end where everyone sang together!   There had been a mixup with our tickets, and our seats had been given to someone else…to compensate, the hostess paid our tab for the night (which would have been higher had we not been drinking pop – Jim did get a nice Greek salad, though).  We sat with our friend, Stephen Webb, from CBC.  Jim grew up with him.

Rose Cousins...

10. I was out picking tomatoes Monday night, and got into a mild disagreement with a doe.  There was a whole group of deer out there, quite close to the fence, and I waved my arms and yelled at them to make them move away (Dad is terrified that they’ll get into the garden some day!).  They did move, but one stubborn female stayed closer than the others…she stomped her foot and snorted at me.  I waved my arms and told her to “Git!”  She stared at me like my kids do when I’ve told them to do something they have no intention of doing…she snorted and stomped again.  We repeated this exchange for about five minutes before she and her posse hightailed it into the woods.  I win!