Tag Archives: challenges

Ready, Set, Go!

So, one of my favourite shows, The Amazing Race, started again last night.  Ever since I got hooked on it way back in Race #5, I’ve dreamed about being on the show…

Jim would be my team-mate.  We’d wear matching Canadian flag T-shirts (everybody loves Canadians!), relaxed fit jeans, and comfortable shoes.  The other teams would call us “that nice, boring couple”  and wonder why we never yell at each other!

"Wendy and Jim...Parents of Teenagers"

Of course, I’d probably have to make some changes to prepare for the competition:

1. Get in shape (other than round!)…I wonder if the show will still be on in 2015?  I might have to give up potato chips…

2. Conquer my fear of heights.  Standing on a stepladder makes me dizzy…I might have difficulty rappelling down a tall building…

3. Learn how to pack light.  I’ve seen those knapsacks the contestants carry…I’m guessing they don’t have blow dryers in there?

I might have trouble surviving without this...

4. Get over my squeamishness of snakes and other reptiles…I might have to get up close and personal with one of them…ewww!

5. Learn to swim with my head under the water (I taught myself, and I like to leave my contacts in so I don’t bump into things!).

6. Be more adventurous about foreign food.  Right now, I don’t try anything with the potential to cause gastric distress (and I’m lactose-intolerant, so that includes a lot of different foods!).  If I can’t identify it, it doesn’t go in my mouth (however, I do like lots of things that other people don’t: broccoli, Brussels sprouts, squash, and chicken hearts).

7. Learn to drive (again).  I had my temporary permit for a year when I was a teenager, but never took the test.  I have always driven an automatic…I’m a huge fail at stick shifts!

This scares me more than a snake would...

8. Brush up on my geography.  As a former stamp collector, I’m pretty familiar with North America, Europe and Asia, but my knowledge of the continents south of the equator is not very good (unlike one contestant last night, I do know that London is not a country!).

9. Pick up a second language (or two).  My Ontario secondary school French is rudimentary at best (laughable at worst – my French Immersion kids laugh at my pronunciation all the time!).  I can count to ten in German.  I can say “Hello,” “Goodbye,” and “Thank you,” in Spanish.  I can speak Teenager though: “OMG!  Did you see that dress she had on?  It was right weird!”

10.  Learn to love being grubby.  Those poor people on the Race have been subjected to all kinds of nastiness: mud, hay, dirty water, paint, pies, etc.  It must be all Phil can do to contain himself when some sweaty contestant pops up in front of him with muck running from every orifice…

11. Get over thinking that using my sexuality to get what I want is wrong.  I would have no problem flashing my bare ankle in Saudi Arabia if it got us what we needed!

12. Find somebody to look after our kids for all the weeks we’ll be gone…we do plan to come home with the million bucks after all!

Any takers?

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Filed under dreams, family, satire, travel