Last fall, I wrote a post about the ads that show up in the sidebar on Facebook while I’m trying to concentrate on my extremely crucial games of Scrabble, Lexulous, Wordscraper, Bejewelled Blitz, Hexagonized, Jeopardy, and Bomboozle…the marketers are still after me!
For goodness sake...keep your voice down! Someone might hear you!
The ad said: “1 Tip for Wrinkles
Dermatologists don’t want you knowing this $5 wrinkle secret.”
My response:
Dear Wrinkle Guy:
I already know how to get wrinkles! I got mine the natural way: from my children (and there were those years of picking fruit and vegetables in full sun with no sunscreen). I didn’t pay money for them (the wrinkles or my children!). Maybe Oprah can afford $5 for her wrinkles, but I can’t! Besides, she’s steered me wrong before…I bought Ursula Hegi’s Stones from the River because it was one of Oprah’s Book Club picks…it was so depressing, I was tempted to call Dr. Phil! What were we talking about again?
That doll's creepy...let's just leave her hidden, shall we?
The ad said: “New Hidden Object Game
Play the new addicting hidden object game on Facebook!”
My response:
Dear Game Pimps:
I am already hopelessly addicted to seven of your games (see 1st paragraph of this post), which I play when I’m not reading/commenting on one of the more than 50 blogs that I follow, or writing my own blog. I’m not quite sleeping at the keyboard yet, but that’s coming soon! Besides, I spend a good deal of my real life looking for “hidden objects”: books that somebody’s ordered in our bookstore, Jim’s keys, teenagers’ homework, cellphones, iPod earbuds, the jeans with the diagonal pocket on the left hip, shoes, cheerleading Spankies, etc. Thanks but no thanks!
She looks awfully happy about her profession...
The ad said: “$84/hr At Home Jobs
Can you type? Get paid $84/hr working from home. Requirements: Computer”
My response:
Dear Mr. Scammer:
I can think of very few jobs where one can make $84 working at home…none of them require a computer or typing ability, and at least a couple of them are illegal. I suspect that my body type would be unsuitable for the type of employment you have in mind…I also hate having my picture taken! Find another sucker!
Kobo is for dodos...
The ad said: “Reading from your iPad?
Click here to get 20% off eBook Coupon! Kobo has more than 2 millions of FREE eBooks and low-priced bestsellers. get yours now!”
My response:
Dear Dodo Kobo:
I do not own an iPad, or a smart phone. I do not Tweet, and I’m the world’s slowest texter. When I read, I read books with paper pages…they are rarely bestsellers (unless they were bestsellers of the 1860s!). If your last “sentence” is an example of the material available in your eBooks, I hereby offer my services as an editor. I can help you reel in more live ones convince more people to buy your product! I’ll use the money you pay me to buy real books!
Funcheez...really?
The ad said: “Try NEW Funcheez
Let your imagination go wild with NEW Black Diamond Funcheez Marbelicious Moons and Planets.”
My response:
Dear Black Diamond:
Even though I have a sentimental fondness for your brand of cheese since it’s made in Belleville, Ontario, where I went to high school, I feel compelled to comment on your latest marketing idea. You’ve mispelled “cheese”, and “fun” and “cheese” should be two words. Moons and planets? I hope you didn’t make a “Pluto”! When I grew up, the only cheese “shapes” we had were fresh curd purchased direct from the cheese factory on a Sunday drive…yummy! The Black Diamond cheese I buy for my family comes in rectangles…I buy the 500-gram one (which used to be 700 grams but is getting smaller all the time!). By the way, we’re running low…how about sending me some coupons?
Advertisers…you can’t fool this old fool!
Herding Cats in Hammond River 