Tag Archives: moms

Ten Cheap Valentine’s Gifts Moms Will Appreciate…

I know I’m a little early for this…most men will probably be hitting the stores on Sunday.  Forget lingerie that requires an instruction manual to put on…I would like to offer this list of ideas for inexpensive gifts for the mother in your life:

1. Let her sleep in on the weekend.  Feed the kids breakfast.  Get them dressed.  Keep them quiet.  For bonus points: bring her breakfast in bed after two hours. 

2. Pick up your socks.  Put them in a hamper near you.  If you’re feeling really generous, do a load or two of laundry (in the correct temperature), fold it, and put it away.

3. Empty the dishwasher.  Put the dishes in the correct places in the kitchen.  Don’t leave the ramekins on the counter and claim you don’t know where to put them.

These are ramekins (the dishes, not the food)...put them in the cupboard...

4. Her own snacks.  Does she love Ruffles Sour Cream and Bacon potato chips?  Buy a bag just for her, and hide it from the kids.

5. An hour of uninterrupted bathroom time.  Shaving one’s legs in the shower just isn’t practical sometimes.  Threaten to subject the kids to watching golf on TV if they disturb her!

6. Fuzzy slippers.  Check her shoes to make sure you buy the right size.  Most of us have cold feet in the winter.  If her toes are warm, she’ll be a happy girl.

Happiness is warm tootsies...

7. Make dinner for the family.  Try to find the ingredients/dishes you need yourself.  It doesn’t matter what it is (with some obvious exceptions)…food always tastes better when someone else cooks it.

8. Quiet time.  Take the kids out for a minimum of two hours, and leave her with the house to herself.  Give her a call when you’re on the way home, so she can avoid the kids catching her in mid-dance move.

Make sure if your kids are going to see this, that their friends are with them!

9. Movie night at home.  Let her pick a movie she wants to see and watch it with her.  Bite your lip if you’re tempted to complain about the lack of ninjas or machine guns.  Agree with her when she comments on how attractive the male lead is.

10. Kiss her and tell her you love her.  Cup her face in your hands and look deep into her eyes when you say it.  

There’s nothing to keep you from doing the whole list if you want to…I’m sure your actions will be rewarded!  If you print out this post and save it, these suggestions work equally well for Mother’s Day!

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Filed under cooking, family, rants, satire, shopping

Just Call Me ‘Wendy’ for One Day…

I love the TV sitcom, “The Middle.”  I barely need two hands to count the number of shows I watch regularly on TV, but since it debuted last fall, that one has consistently reflected my life as it is now.  It’s about a working-class family, the Hecks, in the Midwest – mom, dad, and three kids (two teens and a 7-year-old).  It’s not a typical Hollywood sitcom – nobody wears designer clothing, financial stability is somewhat shaky at times, and the parents aren’t “perfect.”  At the end of every show, I check around my house to see where they have hidden the video camera that’s capturing the essence of our daily existence.

The Heck Family...

Last night’s episode was centered around Mother’s Day.  The mom, Frankie, is awakened at 6:30 a.m. by the kids fighting about her special breakfast…she rolls her eyes, but pretends to be asleep when they arrive with the tray, which ends up getting spilled down her front by her teenage son, Axl, flopping down on the bed to catch some more precious Z’s.  She chokes down the dry toast, burnt waffles, and runny eggs (daughter, Sue, asks anxiously if she likes her breakfast, and is assured that, of course, she does!).  The youngest, Brick, has made her a macaroni picture frame – the glue is still wet.  Frankie waxes poetic about how “spoiled” she is.  The dad, Mike, pokes his head in from the bathroom, and reminds Frankie that it’s “her day.”  She asks him to bring the stain remover…he can’t find it…”Are you moving things around?” she asks.  Mike is unsuccessful – Frankie announces that she’ll open “the rest of her presents” after her shower.  Predictably, there are no more presents – Dad rounds up the kids and they make a whirlwind run to the drugstore.

This was not Frankie's breakfast...

The family comes back, and tosses the bag to Frankie (a roll of wrapping paper sticks out the top).  “An inflatable foot bath.  Wow, that will come in handy!” says Frankie, as she pulls it out of the bag.  Her mom calls, and explains that her sciatica is acting up, and that she won’t be able to go out for lunch with them.  Not wanting her mom to be alone on Mother’s Day, Frankie decides to surprise her…Sue comes along for the ride.  Arriving at Frankie’s mom’s house, they can see her through the screen door – she’s got a highlighting cap on, and she’s drinking wine while dancing around the living room to music from the 70’s.  Frankie hands her a wrapped gift, which turns out to be a food dehydrator.   Her mom opens it, and takes it to the kitchen “to find a place for it.”

Don't buy this for your mom unless she asks for it...

When confronted about why she lied about her back, Frankie’s mom declares that “Sometimes I just want to do my damn hair, drink a glass of wine, and listen to my Barry!”  Frankie takes that badly: “You mean you don’t want to be with your daughter on Mother’s Day?”  “That’s not it at all!” replies her mom.  Frankie’s mom admits to not liking her present: “Why would I spend $4 on grapes to get 99 cent raisins?  Frankie responds with, “What about me makes them think I’d want to blow something up and stick my feet in it?”  All three of them end up crying…

Every Mother's Dream...NOT!

The kids have made me lots of Mother’s Day breakfasts, which were probably better than what Frankie got…I appreciate the effort they go to when they do make them!  I’m not keen on somebody spending a lot of money on me – I really don’t have much use for macaroni picture frames, though.  It would be nice if they would clear a path through their bedrooms, or empty the dishwasher once in a while.  It would be amazing if I could go to the cupboard or the fridge and find the snack that I had my eye on was not devoured before I got there!  There are a lot of days that I want to do just what Frankie’s mom did…pour a glass of wine, crank up the tunes, and dance without the kids making fun of me!  I’d like just one day where everyone calls me “Wendy” instead of whining, “Mooom…”

An album I listen to on those rare occasions that I have the house to myself...

Maybe the day after Mother’s Day…

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Filed under family, self-discovery