Tag Archives: Mr. Bean

Ten Reasons I Should Have Been Invited to the Royal Wedding…

A grave error has occurred.  I didn’t receive my invitation to the Royal Wedding…I can’t imagine what must have happened to it!

Here’s why I should have been invited:

1. I have royal blood (sort of).  One of my earliest documented ancestors on my mother’s side, Ralph of Kingsley (his first name was actually spelled differently in Old English), was a deerkeeper for the British Royal Family in the 12th century.  Now I try to keep the deer out instead of in!

"I don't know Doris...I might not be able to make it over that fence!" (photo by Anna)

2. I have a lot of pictures of Prince William’s grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II.  I collected stamps from the age of 9…the Queen is featured on stamps from not only Great Britain and Canada, but also dozens of other countries (those Brits get around!).  I wish I had more pictures of her on money though…

3. I love British comedy.  I grew up watching Monty Python, Fawlty Towers (I do a wicked Sybil impression: “BASIL! BASIL!”), and The Two Ronnies.  My Grandad was a Benny Hill fan.  Today I love Mr. Bean and The IT CrowdThe Full Monty is still one of my favourite movies.

4. I’m a big fan of Elton John.  I’ve loved his music since the early 70s…his song, Levon, is one of my all-time top ten favourite songs.

The first Elton John album I bought...Captain Fantastic (photo from woostercollective.com)

5. I used to wear hats.  I had a lot of hats in the late 70s and early 80s, before I became aware that I looked stupid in them.

6. I once saved the Prince’s mother from a nasty concussion.  As a young Broadcast Journalism intern, I covered Prince Charles and Princess Diana’s visit to Ottawa in the summer of 1983.  My news director sent me out to try to get some tape of the Princess on her walkabout.  I’d never used a boom mike before, and it was swinging rather close to Diana’s head as I struggled to control it in the wind.  When the RCMP officer smacked the mike away, I didn’t try again!

Me as a young Broadcast Journalism student...do I look like the type of girl who would purposely try to decapitate a princess?

7. I laugh at Prince Charles’ jokes.  On the same tour of Ottawa, I was pleasantly surprised by how witty the Prince was…I wish I could remember the amusing anecdote he told as he addressed the throngs of people assembled to see him and his wife.

8. My daughter was also nicknamed “Wombat.” Apparently, Prince William’s parents called him by this affectionate nickname…my daughter, Kaylee, is four years younger than William, and I used to refer to her as “wombat” too.

My "Wombat" with her "Wombat"...(photo by Scott)

9. I make an awesome shepherd’s pie.  The kids beg me to make it for them, even though I’m the world’s slowest potato peeler…hamburger, onions, mashed potatoes, creamed corn…yummy!

10. I love tea.  I start every morning with a “cuppa”, and on weekends, might drink 4 or 5 cups a day.   I like mine with one milk, two sugar (which is probably sweeter than a proper Brit would like).  I am also partial to ice tea, which I drink in the summer time.

I’m sorry to have missed your wedding, Your Highnesses, but Hope has it on the PVR for when I get home tonight…Best wishes for a long and happy life together!

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Filed under satire

Gentlemen…Start Your Search Engines…

Last fall, I did a fun post about the search terms people had used to find my blog.  Six months later, I found myself facing an empty screen, so decided to put together another one (note to Ironic Mom and her “Tangled” accomplice – I am purposely leaving out search bombs)!
Technically-Challenged Searchers
use Plunger.  I sincerely hope this person’s toilet wasn’t overflowing while he stopped to Google what most people instinctively know.  That might be difficult to explain to the insurance company!

"Gee, which end should I use?" (photo from plumbinghelp.ca)

easiest roller coaster out of sticks.  Generally, I try to avoid amusement parks.  When I do get dragged to one by my teenagers, we have a rule that no one is allowed to ride the roller coaster made of sticks (at least not without a helmet!).
letter p blackberry fell off.  It is terribly inconvenient when my “p” falls off!  It really ‘isses me off!
Consumer Searchers
what kind of watch does jack carter from eureka wear.  A sexy one, of course.  It would also have all the latest gadgets.

Jack Carter with his sexy watch (photo from wormholeriders.net)

high school music hall pom pom girl wallpaper.  Bad news, ma’am…wallpaper is getting very difficult to find, and high school music hall pom pom girl wallpaper has to be special-ordered from Texas.
cast iron giraffe toilet paper holder.  A regular plastic spindle just will not do.  And it can’t be a rhinocerous either.
macho en calzones. This poor person was looking for men’s underwear…he was probably really surprised to be directed to a post about deer challenging electric fences and pizza pockets!
Spelling-Challenged Searchers
mr. been.  I assume this person meant Mr. Bean, who isn’t a has-been yet.  They still show his specials on CBC all the time.

Mr. Bean...still funny after all these years (photo from slidephoneblog.blogspot.com)

pumpkinks attack.  That sounds scary, and twisted, all at the same time!  This isn’t that kind of blog!
fune catsin wedes.  This is a head-scratcher: my blog is fun, I have the word “cats” in the title, and I have talked about “weeds” occasionally in gardening posts…any other guesses?
Food Searchers
garlic and brown sugar cheese ball.  This misguided soul obviously didn’t get the memo about cheese balls not being served at parties held after 1980…I was horrified to discover that an actual recipe exists for this abomination.  It is not on my site, and never will be!
define chicken heart.  Okay, bud…put down the plunger, and think really hard!

This is not a chicken heart...(photo from southviewfarmcottage.co.uk)

Medical Searchers
flatulence in 10 year old boy.  I can’t help you with that.  I only know about farting teenagers, and 48-year-old men who spend a lot of time “reading magazines”.
does zumba work make your legs chunky.  It’s possible.  My legs are definitely chunky after that one time I tried Zumba.  And it wasn’t “work”…it was torture!  I’ll never do that again!
Animal Searchers
the monkees with cats.  Did The Monkees own cats?  I don’t know.  I talked about them once (the musical group), but the discussion was about Mike Nesmith’s mom and her invention of Liquid Paper.

Does Mickey have a cat under his poncho? (photo from 8notes.com)

wet tail.  What was this hapless searcher looking for?  Whatever it was, I don’t think he found it on my blog.
Searchers With Too Much Time On Their Hands
welcome sing to my room.  I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest this person may not have had English as his first language.
taylor swift just a zombie baby.  I wouldn’t go that far…she’s actually not a bad singer!

Not very zombie-like at all...(photo from theimproper.com)

“my holy pants”.  I have never been a religious person.  However, I do have a pair of pants which are not fit to wear in public, but too good to throw out.  I tend to wear them around the house on Sundays…hence “my holy pants.”
What are some of the strange terms people have found your blog with?

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Filed under blogging, satire