Facebook Ads That Made Me Go “Hmmm”…

 

My name is Wendy, and I’m a recovering Facebook addict (since I started blogging, I have a lot less time for Facebook now!).  I no longer have a farm on Farm Town, but I still play Scrabble, Lexulous, Wordscraper, Hexagonized and Bejeweled Blitz.   Because of my penchant for word/puzzle games, I get to see sidebar advertising on Facebook that is supposedly selected with me in mind…here is a sample of what I saw down the right side when I clicked in to play Scrabble this morning:

Wow...those are some sparkly lips!

The ad said: “FREE Samples Oct. 28

Hurry, these will go fast!  Top brands giving away free samples.  Enter your email to qualify”

My response:

Dear Random Sample Company,

I am not hopeful that coating my decidely un-Angelie Jolie-like lips in heavy metal is going to improve my appearance or my love life…what else have you got?  How about those invisible boob-lifters…do you have any of those?  I also like neat earrings.  My address is attached…please pack whatever you send carefully…our post office uses parcels for soccer games at lunchtime.

I could run all day for the rest of my life and not look like this...

The ad said: “Mom’s Weight Loss Rule

How to flatten that stubborn mid section effectively.  It really works, just read this story.  You have nothing to lose.”

My response:

Dear Seriously-Delusional Weight Loss Guru:

I could only look like the girl in the picture if:

a. I had not had three children over a 12-year period.

b. I stop including potato chips as one of the four food groups. 

c. I get more exercise than walking from the computer to the kitchen to get a snack.

d. I have extensive plastic surgery (full body/facial package) after a steamroller runs over my midsection repeatedly.

You say that I have “nothing to lose.”  On the contrary…it’s probably about 50 lbs. 

Signing off to take my brownies out of the oven.

I could eat a lot of pudding for $5000!

The ad said: “Be a Pudding Investigator

Enter for a chance to win $5000 plus weekly prizes.  Join Kozy Shack in investigating the ingredients in your pudding.”

My response:

Dear Kozy Shack:

 Sign me up.  I could really use $5000!  I feel it only fair to warn you that I suck at science, so any “investigation” of pudding ingredients I make will probably be rudimentary.  Also, I’m lactose-intolerant, so I generally avoid pudding all together (let’s just say that bad things happen when I eat it!).  I have attached my address so that you can forward the cheque.

Art??? I think not...

The ad said: “Unleash your inner artist

Realize your artistic potential on the Amex fan page and you could win a trip for two to NYC!”

My response:

Dear Amex,

I don’t have one of  your cards…my income is significantly less than your minimum requirement (and I get paid in ice cream).  I believe I reached my artistic potential in kindergarten when we glued string and macaroni on to cardboard, painted it, and then sprinkled it with glitter.  I humbly suggest that your pictured artwork might be more powerful if the big blue blotch were on the right instead of the left side.  I really don’t want to go to New York City…it’s crowded, noisy and scary!  I would love to visit my brother, who lives near Ottawa…could you throw in four more tickets so the kids could go too?  Oh, one more thing: I don’t fly Air Canada…it has to be WestJet (we’ll need a limo to Moncton, because they only fly out of Saint John in the summertime)!  Looking forward to our trip!