Word is that the world is coming to an end tomorrow night at 6 p.m. EDT (which is 7:00 our time…couldn’t it be earlier so I don’t have to make supper?). I’ve made a list of things I need to do before then, just in case*:
1. Buy new underwear (sale at Giant Tiger 5/$5 – wonder if they’ll let me buy just one pair?). My mom always told me that when I go somewhere, to be sure I didn’t wear raggy underwear.
2. Finish income tax. Even though I won’t be around to cash the refund cheque, I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing I got it done (3 weeks late…whatever!).
3. Water plants. At least they’ll be able to cling to life for an extra couple of days after I’m gone!
4. Bathe the dog. I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a crowd with a stinky Schnoodle.
5. Take the recycling to the bins. Maybe the next civilization can figure out what to do with my old shampoo bottles!
6. Cancel the newspaper and magazine subscriptions. After tomorrow, I won’t care what our government is up to, and won’t need to know how to knit a toilet paper cozy.
7. Shave my legs. I don’t know what the styles are like where we’re going, but I’m thinking the “Caveman Look” isn’t going to fly.
8. Finish War and Peace. Oh wait, I already did that…maybe I’ll read it again…
9. Beat my buddy, Mike, at online Scrabble…he wins 85% of the time now and I’m not sure if they have Facebook there.
10. Watch a science fiction movie that Jim likes that doesn’t have a hot guy in it, just so I can say that I did. Normally, I don’t do science fiction…I’m one of the few people on earth who has never seen any of the Star Wars or Star Trek movies in their entirety! However, I have been known to make the odd exception for movies like Source Code (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Inception (Leonardo DiCaprio).
What’s on your Rapture To Do List?
* This is a satirical piece written for entertainment purposes. I do not pretend to be an expert on this subject. If it offends you, I am sorry that you don’t have a better sense of humour…
Herding Cats in Hammond River 