Astrological Shock…There’s No Way I’m a Gemini!

I was born July 17, 1961.  I am a Cancer: a loyal, dependable, clingy, oversensitive Cancer.

Cancer (image from


Yesterday, everything I thought I knew about myself was put in doubt as Anna took great delight in telling me that according to an article in the Globe and Mail, I’m not a Cancer…I’m really a Gemini!  This news made me want to curl up in my crustacean shell and wait until some intelligent person corrects what is surely an elaborate hoax on the scale of Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds radio broadcast in 1938!

Gemini...really...does this sound like me? (image from

However, since I am a “self-sufficient” Cancer, I turned to the Internet for a description of Gemini personality traits:


1. Strengths: energetic, clever, imaginative, witty, adaptable.  No disagreement there…I’m definitely all those things!  Modest, too!

2. Weaknesses: 

a) superficial – I’m about as down-to-earth as you can get.  I couldn’t describe your outfit an hour later, because I don’t care! 

b) impulsive –  I think about everything I do, to the point of paralysis!

c) restless – I love to sit and read for hours.  I sometimes get so absorbed, I forget to go to the bathroom!

d) devious – I don’t think so, unless you count scaring my kids by jumping out at them when they come around the corner!

e) indecisive  Ask my family members if I ever change my mind!  Set in stone, I tell you!

3. Independence:  They will not be pinned down by anyone or any rules. They need to experience the world on their own. Change and freedom are extremely important to Gemini.  I have always been very independent financially, but I count on emotional support from people around me to keep me going.  I hate change!  Freedom…meh!…I’m more about commitment and caring (unless it’s freedom from bills!). 

4. Friendship:

a) Gemini make very interesting and exciting friends.  I’m sure none of my friends would describe me as “exciting” on any level…

b) They are very flighty and will disappear for a long time.  “Flighty”?  I don’t think so.  Ask my best friend…we’ve been friends for 41 years.

c) Do not bog a Gemini down with all of your emotional problems, they are not wont to deal with it because it depresses them and steps on their freedom if you need too much long term help, support and follow up.  Complete strangers tell me their problems on the bus, and I try to help them!

d) Gemini is a social butterfly.  I just snorted tea all over the keyboard…I was laughing so hard!  “Caterpillar”, maybe…

5. Business:

a) They make excellent salespeople because their ease of communication allows them to be clever and make a comeback to anything a person says.  I hate selling!  I usually think of clever comebacks the day after the conversation!

b) They can persuade and manipulate very well.  My children don’t do very much that I tell them, unless cash is involved!

c) They can easily justify any move they make and explain any action.  I ate the whole bag of chips because they were there, and I think that “round” is a good shape!  Not good enough?  Okay…I guess I’m just a pig!

6. Temperament:

a) They can be compared to a wound-up spring as they attempt to absorb everything they can about their surroundings at once.  I’m one of the least observant people on the planet…you could have a live parrot on your shoulder, and it might take me ten minutes to notice!

b) The fact that they enjoy various situations and people add to their nervousness and that means they are almost constantly wound up. However, if they experience boredom and have nothing to survey, they get the same emotions, the need for excitement and variety.  Yup, that’s me…I’m going sky-diving next week, because I’m bored…NOT!

7. Deep Inside: One downfall of Gemini is their superficiality. Geminis can have feeling of discouragement and moodiness although they never allow this to be seen by anyone but their closest friends or family. Gemini usually want everyone to think that they are always happy and doing wonderfully and stress never affects them.  Have you read my blog?  Apparently, you’re all my “closest friends”!

8. Gemini in a Nutshell:

a) They are brimming with energy and vitality.  Yup…I’m off to run that marathon, right after I finish crocheting this afghan!

b) They are always in the know and are the one to see for the latest juicy gossip.  I am so out of the loop, it’s pitiful!  I found out my daughter was pregnant on Facebook!

c) Routine and boredom are Gemini’s biggest fears.  If things don’t go according to my preconceived plan, I get very upset!  Routine is the cornerstone of my existence!

So, it’s settled…I can’t possibly be a Gemini…it’s completely absurd!

I’m just glad I’m not one of those former Scorpios or Sagittarians who’s saddled with being a “Ophiuchus”!  Medical researchers are currently working towards a cure for that…


Filed under rants, satire, self-discovery

46 responses to “Astrological Shock…There’s No Way I’m a Gemini!

  1. Bless your crustacean heart! Love this, Wendy!
    An Aries in Haiti,

  2. I am NOT a cancer–or should I say I wasn’t a Cancer until yesterday. I am a Leo. No offense to Cancer people… but I am not changing signs…here me ROAR.

  3. Too funny Wendy. I haven’t known you that long and I can state without a doubt that you are not a Gemini.

    I’m not into all the astrology stuff but from the descriptions you posted its very obvious you are a Cancer for sure. I love the list for Cancer! Especially the Dreams Big part.

  4. I used to work with a newspaper copy editor who’d “tweak” the horoscope so that it was always bad news for her ex-boyfriends.

    When people ask what my sign is, I say, “Neon.” 🙂

  5. So funny! I can give you a long list of reasons why I am NOT a taurus. I like Todd’s answer about what sign he is.

    • Assuming you’re a Gemini, Rene, I’m glad you enjoyed my post (both my parents, and my oldest daughter are Geminis)…I also have a couple of good friends who are Geminis!


  6. Fellow Cancer in shock too and refuse to leave my protective crabby shell!

    I identify myself so much as a crabby patty that I sometimes just copy and paste the description of Cancer people for questions wrt. what I am like.

    One good thing though: MAYBE I do NOT have to be so maternal all the time any more? Maybe for once somebody else gets to take care of ME instead?

    • “Maybe for once somebody else gets to take care of ME instead?” You might have a point there, Lin! It’s worth considering, except a TRUE Gemini would find that smothering! Thanks for stopping by…loved your recent post! Hugs from your crabby Canadian sister, Wendy

  7. You’re are SO not a Gemini, Wendy – then what would that make me? I think we are both Cancerians through and through and through … love this post. And I’m glad you’re clinging to your shell! Me too.
    Sunshine xx

  8. Signs only change if you follow Eastern (Sidereal-which ties the signs to the constellations) Astrology- as compared to Western (Tropical-which ties the signs to the seasons). Luckily I do not plan to move to India any time soon so I am safely still a Capricorn!!

    Per Wikipedia:

    “The difference between sidereal and tropical astrology is in the opinion whether the system as defined by Ptolemy in the 2nd century should be fixed to the seasons, i.e. the orientation of the Earth relative to the solar system, or to the background stars, i.e. the orientation of the Earth relative to the galaxy. Tropical astrology chooses the former, sidereal astrology the latter option”

  9. I used to be on the “cusp” of Gemini and Taurus, but now, apparently, I’m 100% bull! That will come as a surprise to no one …

    As always, you made me laugh, think, and Google stuff. Thanks 🙂

  10. N B

    I guess the “Eastern vs Western” argument means I am still firmly a cusp Aries (well, I guess if you call three days a cusp, which is what I am told. I don’t really know.) and that makes me happy. I read through Pices and am sooo not an introvert. Sorry. I am also incredibly impulsive but I don’t deal with deviations from my grand scheme well.

    I love how your posts always make me think. I am always tempted to “borrow” your ideas (okay, more than I already did) because they are incredibly clever.

    Please continue the wonderful blogging!

  11. My husband apparently is a Gemini now too (July 13)! I am still a Cancer (July 22) always will be I don’t care what anybody says!! Great post, Wendy. Hugs, Diane

  12. That’s funny … “the doctors are working on a cure for that”. LOL! 😀

    Well, I’m still a Leo, not that it means much. But I no longer share signs with my mother, whose birthday is 6 days before mine.

    You stay a Cancer, if that’s what your heart is. 😉

  13. Does this mean I’m not a turqoise anymore?

  14. LOL Wendy!! Here comes that astrological post you promised!

    Read the article and of course had to Google this new tongue-twisting, boy/girl ‘Ophiuchus’…and all I have to say at the end of it all is “Man maketh the signs!” Hubby is supposedly Pisces under this new order and that’s what makes me confident it’s nonsense…he is no dreamer and wouldn’t recognize creativity if it stared him in the face!! He is so thoroughly a poster-boy for the Aries male…but hang on…he adores fish…does that count? Not in a ‘Let me feed you, little Goldfish’ kind of way though…more in a ‘Let me get you cut and fried and eat you up with some sauce’, kind of way 😛 I’m thinking that’s not something a true Piscean would stay!!

    From your forever Sagittarian friend, H 🙂

  15. I’m a Sagittarian through and through. If you look at the wikipedia entry for Sagittarius, there’s a picture of me sitting with my foot in my mouth, looking goofy having tripped over something but managing to come out of it with a smile.

    So, I’m having none of this ‘Ophiuchus’ business. It’s not for me.

    I once had a teen-girl’s magazine cuttings summing up each sign and the things they wanted or would be likely to say – I kept mine. What’s funny is that it’s over 25 years old and it’s become more and more true. Some really stand out.

    10 things a Sag would love to own: a dog, a sense of time, a set of encyclopaedias (or the internet nowadays!) a round-the-world ticket, a degree in philosophy, a tumble-down cottage – so true!

    Having said that, I’m a rat through and through – and a Sag Rat is just Sag squared. And I just googled the new sign and it kind of fits. Grrrrr.

    This is almost a blog of its own!!

    • Glad you liked it, Lady Justine! I’m a classic Cancer too. You’re not my only Sag friend (I can have Sags as friends, but never date them…I know that’s a disaster from previous experience!). Wendy

  16. I believe you do have an ounce of Gemini because your justification for eating a whole bag of chips is perfectly acceptable and rational. For that matter, as a Capricorn, I have that same ounce of Gemini.

    Great post, Wendy!

  17. How can I be a Capricorn with those tree stumps? Shouldn’t I have the skinny legs of a goat? Sigh.

  18. And to think that I thought the descriptions were always general enough to fit anyone!

  19. “Ophiuchus”!


  20. I am a Gemini but most of those traits don’t fit me at all….. maybe I should jump over to the new one and see if it fits… Hmmmm. :O)

    • Thanks for stopping by, Diane…I deliberately picked all the traits of Gemini that sounded least like me…if you click on the link where it says “Gemini personality traits” (under the Gemini poster), you’ll find the full version of the personality profile I used. Also, depending on when you were born, you might still be a Gemini (my man is still a Cancer because he was born on July 21st)… Wendy

  21. Oh, there’s no way you’re a Gemini, Wendy. I agree with you–it’s like the Cancer description was written expressly with you in mind.

    I’ll have to check the Globe and Mail to see what it says about Aries. I’m on the brink of Taurus territory, after all.

  22. I am in total shock!!! All these years I’ve been living as a Pisces . . . Now I am an Aquarius???

    I did a test to see how Pisces or Aquarius I am. The results:

    Pisces – 53%
    Aquarius – 47%

    So I’m only marginally more Pisces.

    Thanks for a really fun post!

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