Since I officially have 100 blog posts under my belt (I can’t see them because of the “muffin top” but they’re there, somewhere!), I feel qualified to write this handy guide for family members of bloggers around the world…any resemblance to persons living or dead (except members of my own family) is purely coincidental. Here are ten things that will get the blogger in your family to talk about you in his/her therapy session blog:
1. Be talented at something. I have featured both my 16-year-old daughter, Anna, (https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/introducing-anna-guest-photographer/ and https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/05/22/introducing-anna-guest-photographer-part-2/ ) and my fiancé, Jim, (https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/04/25/introducing-jim-guest-photographer/ ) for being incredible photographers. Jim and his son, Devin, are also my live-in Tech Support people…all I have to say is, “Dammit! We’re off the Net again!” and one of them comes running! Hope is a good singer – I talked about her entering Saint John Idol (https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/07/09/sweating-and-small-stuff/ ). I have highlighted Brianna and Anna in posts about being a reluctant “Cheer Mom” (https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/04/26/adventures-of-a-reluctant-cheer%c2%a0mom%e2%80%a6/ and https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/05/09/adventures-of-a-reluctant-cheer-mom-part-2/ ). Being really bad at something works too – until recently, I was totally incapable of making piecrust, and mentioned it all the time (https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/06/02/my-bucket-list/ and https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/07/22/can-she-make-a-cherry-pie/ ).
2. Give a word a whole new definition. Twelve-year-old Hope was asked by her older sister last week what a “Lamborghini” was. “I think it’s a type of noodle?” she responded hopefully.
3. Have a freak accident. You may have to wait for the blogger to call the ambulance…she’ll be busy photographing your pool of blood for her blog (okay…I’ve never done this myself, but I have talked about when I went through a glass door when I was seven (https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/06/21/its-all-about-me/ ), when Anna fell into the blackberry bushes, and when Hope fell off her too-high heels (https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/08/29/todays-post-is-brought-to-you-by-the-letter-p/). Readers love hearing about other people’s pain!
4. Turn the TV/rap music/computer game up really loudly while the blogger is working on the daily post (so loudly that the neighbours call to complain). This will inevitably lead to a rant in the blog about the joys of raising a family while attempting to practice one’s craft. Interrupting the writing session with inane questions like “What are we having for supper?” will have the same result.
5. Say something funny. Hope was riding in the van with her two much older sisters on the way to a Backstreet Boys concert. Upon being informed that she wasn’t born yet when they were popular, she observed: “I missed a lot when I was in Mom’s stomach. It was boring in that egg!” (thank you to the Health Education teacher at Hope’s middle school – I think that perhaps Hope didn’t quite grasp the egg concept!).
6. Be cute. It also helps to be fuzzy and have four legs – I’ve featured our schnoodle, Jake, many times (https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/04/02/a-girl-and-her-dog/ and https://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2010/07/12/my-dog-ate-it-again/ , among others). Most pet owners will probably have to read this tip to their pets (Jake didn’t need any help…he’s checking his e-mail as we speak!).
7. Do something annoying, like putting your dishes in the sink when the dishwasher’s not full, leaving food wrappers open, or depositing a wet towel in the hamper. This is guaranteed to gain you a place in the blogger’s next rant!
8. Be considerate and loving. I have talked about how grateful I am for all of my family members (when they’re not driving me nuts with things like those in #7). Anna and Hope made supper on Monday, Jim made it last night, and Devin and Brianna will cook on Friday – it’s a new thing we’re trying, called “Give Mom a Break!”
9. Have a personal crisis (lose your job, be bullied at school, have a bad hair day, get dumped by your girlfriend, etc.). The blogger will probably mention it and even ask for advice about it in his blog. Who needs therapy when you can have input from readers all over the globe?
10. Mispronounce a word. Anna recently pronounced “Mafia” with the same accent as you would say “Sophia” (I blame French immersion). Ditto on using the wrong word for something – the blogger will need to share that.
P.S. It is usually completely useless to beg the blogger not to feature you in his blog, although I have been known to consider it (note to the kids: I like the green bills with the Queen on them).
Okay…now for the serious part…Thank you to my family for being such good sports about my blog…without you, I wouldn’t have any good material!